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    <title>Vickilicious</title>
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    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2013-05-18://2</id>
    <updated>2013-05-18T22:17:22Z</updated>
    
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<entry>
    <title>Finally Back</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2013/05/finally-back.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2013://2.667</id>

    <published>2013-05-18T21:31:35Z</published>
    <updated>2013-05-18T22:17:22Z</updated>

    <summary> For once in my embarrassingly long history of blogging reticence, my reason for not posting wasn&apos;t some vague &quot;I&apos;m sooo busy watching marathons of New Girl and The Mindy Project on Hulu&quot; or &quot;I&apos;m saaaaad, I don&apos;t want to...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="administrative" label="administrative" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="computers" label="computers" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="technical" label="technical" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[ <p>
For once in my embarrassingly long history of blogging reticence, my reason for not posting wasn't some vague "I'm sooo busy watching marathons of New Girl and The Mindy Project on Hulu" or "I'm saaaaad, I don't want to talk about it," but an actual technological impediment to being able to get onto this site and write.
</p>
<p>
Back in March, I was home sick from work with pretty intense vertigo (long story, but I was at the point of taking Dramamine and wearing Sea-Bands around my apartment), and I had my beloved MacBook Pro on my table, trying to do some work (yes really, I had our CRM website open, it was nuts). I decided to microwave some Chinese leftovers for lunch (it was a sick day - don't look at me like that) and as I was carrying them to the table, I got overwhelmingly dizzy and felt myself swooning. Not wanting to knock out my teeth on the table or chair or otherwise damage my face or head, I tried to shove the plate I was carrying onto the table to get my hands free, and of course I upended an entire container of sweet and sour sauce directly onto the keyboard of my laptop.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/8751907912/"><img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2832/8751907912_480b0c7ce5_z.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
As I hit the ground muttering a string of profanities, I distinctly remember thinking, "Seriously, Vicki? The stickiest substance known to mankind?!?!"
</p>
<p>
I won't belabor the rest of the saga now because I plan to write a triumphant "How I Recovered My Beloved MacBook" post, just as soon as I get around to recovering it. The relevant details for now are that it kept working long enough to back up all my files and to watch episodes of New Girl and The Mindy Project on Hulu while I angrily took apart all the keys and researched how to clean it (didn't work). Eventually I took it to the Apple store, and they wanted $800 to open it up because they assumed liquid damage would have reached the logic board. Furious and penniless, I took it back home and got brave, taking the whole thing apart myself (good God, all the teensy tiny screws!), discovered that the liquid damage had NOT reached the logic board or breached the glorified plastic sticker sealing the keyboard portion from the delicate stuff underneath (disheartening design flaw much?), and I separated it into about fifty thousand parts with the intent to clean it all and put it back together. 
</p>
<p>
Which is where it still is because good Lord, sweet and sour sauce is SO sticky and it is such a daunting prospect to put all those tiny pieces back together and pray it works.
</p>
<p>
I started using the Lenovo X60s that I had from 2007, which had been banished to an armoire in my parents' house after the <a href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2009/07/sad-mac.html">hard drive crashed</a> completely and irrecoverably in the middle of my graduate thesis. I completely wiped and reformatted its hard drive, agonized over having to go back to a Windows machine (it's dreadful), and daily think how much I dislike its buzzing ineffective fans, tiny blurry screen, and utter unreliability (though I shouldn't say anything too cruel since it is, for now, my only functional computer). 
</p>
<p>
(This is, admittedly, more of a saga than I intended, sorry.)
</p>
<p>
So while all of my files are presumably safely stored on an external hard drive, I was not able to back up any of my browser settings because bloody Chrome kept having Flash-induced hissy fits and crashing like mad. "Who cares about bookmarks?" I thought angrily, "that's what Google is for!"
</p>
<p>
But I had all of my passwords to all of my websites saved in my browser and evidently nowhere else. Or maybe somewhere, on a file that I can't access because I don't even have Excel on this Lenovo. That shouldn't seem like such a big deal, right? That's what password recovery links are for, right?
</p>
<p>
Hahaha, no. I had done a lot of whacky things when I was first installing MovableType, and it's been... an ordeal. I also let all of my web hosting expire for a little bit (whoops), then had to recover my domain, and on and on.
</p>
<p>
The happy conclusion is that after quite a bit of back end database reconfiguring and a healthy amount of cursing, I have regained access to my own blog. Hooray!
</p>
<p>
And I plan to actually post more than once every few months because I have also been fixing a lot of back end things in the rest of my life too.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Books I&apos;ve read since college (2012-13 edition)</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2013/02/books-ive-read-since-college-2012-13-edition.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2013://2.666</id>

    <published>2013-02-20T10:38:19Z</published>
    <updated>2013-02-20T11:54:28Z</updated>

    <summary> When I first graduated from Trinity, I was stunned to discover I could actually enjoy reading again. With new found focus and enthusiasm, I started a list of &quot;Books I&apos;ve read since college&quot; on my old website, but I...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="books" label="books" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="literature" label="literature" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="reading" label="reading" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thinky" label="thinky" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<html>
<p>
When I first graduated from Trinity, I was stunned to discover I could actually enjoy reading again. With new found focus and enthusiasm, I started a list of "Books I've read since college" on my old website, but I eventually abandoned this list (and pursuit) when I reentered grad school, followed by my time at Pace (yep, I just kept going to college).
</p>
<p>
Having finally (I think) left college for the foreseeable future this spring, I thought it would behoove me to periodically (I'm thinking seasonally or annually) summarize the books I've read, enjoyed etc. I'm leaning heavily on Goodreads to refresh my memory here, and I encourage you to go <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7276170-vicki-boardman">be my friend on there</a> if you aren't already.
</p>
<p>
Instrumental in what I hope to be a dramatic improvement in my reading habits is the lovely Kindle Paperwhite my brother gave me for my last birthday. I used to be emphatically opposed to e-readers, and I still have an absurd, delectable amount of books in my apartment, but for novels and straight text books, I've rapidly become a total Kindle convert. I'll possibly ramble on and on about it another time.
</p>
<p>
So..... 
</p>
<p>
<b>Books I've Read Since College, Spring 2012-present</b>
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8227/8491341536_605bfb5b16_t.jpg"></p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/343.Perfume">
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer</a> by Patrick Suskind, 255 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
I gave the dubious honor of being the first thing I read upon escaping from chemistry textbooks to this weird and yet sickly fascinating book. I spent most of my time reading it feeling queasy and mildly to completely disgusted, and I have to give credit to the forceful efficacy of Suskind's writing that despite my literal horror, I couldn't put it down. The details are fetishistically, meticulously layered to create a viscerally chilling and overwhelming experience that continued to shock even when I knew what was going to happen. The ending fell apart and felt forced to me. It seemed unnecessary and overwrought, and I kept thinking how much more satisfying I found the book before reading the final tacked-on pages that served neither as resolution or relief. Still, a pretty engaging and surprisingly enjoyable creepfest.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8381/8490463335_4a27e64083_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/68099.Death_at_La_Fenice">Death at La Fenice</a> by Donna Leon, 288 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
Ironically, I was so disturbed by <i>Perfume</i> that I sought refuge in a <i>lighter</i> murder story. But this was a playful murder mystery, read as a guilty pleasure because it is set in Venice and Commissario Guido Brunetti is such a loveable, reasonable character. I totally guessed the gist of the crime and the guilty parties partway through, but I enjoyed the way the story was put together and I loved the richness of Venetian detail. Donna Leon has written dozens of Brunetti mysteries, all set in Venice and nearby, and I have it in mind to read these as palette cleansers when I need a jaunt to La Serenissima.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8235/8491570152_e76c9e69d2_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9595216-moby-duck">Moby-Duck:</a> The True Story of 28,800 Bath Toys Lost at Sea and of the Beachcombers, Oceanographers, Environmentalists, and Fools, Including the Author, Who Went in Search of Them, by Donovan Hohn, 416 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
This book was recommended to me by my mother and brother, both of whom said it was excellent and engaging and wonderful. I later learned that my mother heard about it on NPR, on the same broadcast that piqued my friend Hope's interest, and that no one I know had at the time read past the first chapter. It is their loss because this was by far one of the most fascinating, beautifully written nonfiction books I've read in a long time. I probably had more patience than most for the digressions into the science of plastics because the dream of pursuing a PhD in macromolecular chemistry and materials science was still fresh and forefront in my mind (sigh). I love reading about the sea despite the abject terror it typically incites in me, and this book really went at every subtopic of driftology and the story of these bath toys with exquisite, obsessive detail. I truly loved this book.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8383/8491562764_055d5af7a3_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9471839-the-nature-of-new-york">The Nature of New York: An Environmental History of the Empire State</a> by David Stradling, 58/277 pg., Incomplete.</p>
<p>
I bought this book when I was taking a wonderful class on the History and Geography of New York at Pace. It reads very much like a reference book, but a solid, nicely written one. It fared unfavorably in comparison with <i>Moby-Duck,</i> but then again so does all nonfiction. I think you have to be as obsessed with the history of New York as I was when I started reading it, and admittedly I put it aside because I was craving a story and feeling exhausted with onslaughts of facts in the mornings. I definitely want to read the rest of it.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8519/8490463067_99e3548dd7_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46164.Tender_Is_the_Night">Tender is the Night</a> by F. Scott Fitzgerald, 315 pg., Incomplete (about 150 pg.).</p>
<p>
I wanted so badly to like this book. I wanted to love the characters and their idiosyncrasies, to drink in all the nuance and detail of the time and place, to lavish in Fitzgerald's language and style, and ugh, I just got so annoyed every time I picked it up. I <a href="https://twitter.com/vickiboardman/status/247414089838632962">Tweeted</a> about my disappointment in myself, and I suspected the book wasn't getting a fair shake because I was so dreadfully sick and impatient in a codeine haze while I was reading it. I conveniently lost track of the book for a few months, giving myself what apparently was a much needed break from Dick Diver and the insipid Rosemary. I suppose I'll end up giving this one another chance sometime, but I can't say I'm looking forward to it yet.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8112/8490463249_35d78b383a_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/936990.Cosmopolis">Cosmopolis</a> by Don DeLillo, 209 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
In seeking the opposite of a sappy, meandering love story, I picked up DeLillo, and I actually really enjoyed this book. It was tightly-written, if slightly overindulgent in its structural conceit, and I loved how much I disliked the protagonist while simultaneously thirsting for every scrap of information about him. I keep thinking about the storytelling mechanisms that were in play, and more and more I have to admire the way DeLillo let things express themselves (that is a shamelessly stolen line from the book). I wish I hadn't chased it with another DeLillo because this book was a solid standalone.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8528/8490463035_dfcf44fc6c_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/923693.White_Noise">White Noise</a> by Don DeLillo, 326 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
Uff, I wish I hadn't read this book. I was on such a DeLillo high after <i>Cosmopolis</i> that I figured I should go straight for what most people called his masterpiece. I was expecting something biting, incisive, contemplative, and exciting, and instead I got a maddeningly slow and ultimately pointless story about characters I could barely stand, which felt like some sort of hazy fever dream. It's probably my fault - I was nearly finished and getting impatient, when I glanced at the blurb on the back that declared it DeLillo's "funniest" book. "Funny?" I thought, bewildered, "Oh God, this is supposed to be funny?!" I have always had a problem with satire (I will own that it is one of my weaknesses as a reader) that if it hits too close to a believable description and doesn't add up to anything profound, I get furious for having my time wasted. Whether I am reading a tediously written scene intended to illustrate a hopelessly bourgeois family's typical evening to poke fun at them or not, I'm still stuck reading it. I still have to get to know them, even if it's to deride them. My default mechanism is empathy for characters, no matter what role they play in the story, but I found myself positively loathing every single character in this book by the end, not caring what happened, and just wishing it would end. Maybe I was asking too much of it, or maybe I just didn't get it, but I found this book pretty terribly unsatisfying, with a handful of interesting details that stuck out.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8103/8491562742_2f712aa4d9_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6402364-superfreakonomics">Superfreakonomics:</a> Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes And Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance, by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner, 270 pg., Complete</p>
<p>
This book was actually the first I read entirely on my Kindle. I was such a fan of <i>Freakonomics</i> that I thought it would only get better. I was wrong. This book was okay, but not amazing. I started to suspect some academic laziness and cherry-picking of data, but not enough to care. As entertainment during a stressful time, it was fine, but I will admit that when I reached the end (having not yet figured out how to display the percentage completion on the Kindle), my first reaction was, "Oh, that's it?" I think that aptly summarizes my experience with the whole book.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8106/8491585110_5c8dbefd8a_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3985.The_Amazing_Adventures_of_Kavalier_Clay">The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay</a> by Michael Chabon, 636 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
This book was easily the best I've read in five years, and it may be one of my favorite books of all time. What a beautiful, wonderfully written, transcendent book. I read a pretty great <a href="http://www.vulture.com/2012/09/michael-chabon-telegraph-avenue.html">profile on Chabon</a> that described him as having a "surfeit of empathy," which caused him to develop affection and compassion for all of his characters. That deep and gentle understanding of the human condition was evident in every detail, every scene of this epic (and I mean that in the real way, not the internet way), sprawling story. I got completely lost in this book, falling head over heels in love along with the characters, tearing up unabashedly on the 4 train at their losses, thinking about them while I wasn't reading the book and worrying how things would turn out for them. I can't get over what an extraordinarily well-written, perfect book this was, and I've been enthusiastically recommending it to anyone who will listen. Including you.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8523/8491562870_a1129b25b7_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5326.A_Christmas_Carol">A Christmas Carol</a>, Charles Dickens, 104 pg., Complete</p>
<p>
My family and I went to see a pretty delightful production of <i>A Christmas Carol</i> at the Count Basie Theater, and I got all mushy and Christmas-minded. My reference (and still favorite) version of this story is the Muppet movie, so it was nice to give Dickens a proper read.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8506/8491562808_d83ce4969f_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14836.Midnight_s_Children">Midnight's Children</a> by Salman Rushdie, 647 pg., Complete.</p>
<p>
I have always loved Rushdie, and though I "read" this book my freshman year of college, I didn't actually <i>read</i> it past the first few chapters that I skimmed. In my defense, I got sick with scarlet fever and missed a <i>lot</i> of class - by the time I returned to that lit seminar, my professor said not to worry because no one had anything interesting to say about Rushdie and he suspected no one read it in full, so they were concentrating on the other books on the syllabus for the rest of the semester. I have had a weird guilt complex toward this book since then, feeling like I'd been lazy and half-assed and that my class collectively discouraged my professor from a book he seemed to love. Guilt assuaged, I truly adored this book. I wish I had taken some more time to read about the history of India because I imagine there are tons of allusions and clever details I missed, but I was so greedy and excited to keep moving through the story that I didn't want to stop. As with <i>Kavalier and Clay</i>, I loved the sprawling, literal transportation from Kashmir, all around India, Pakistan, and eventually back home to Bombay. My ignorant western impressions of India were confirmed, that it is every bit as complex, corrupt, extravagantly complicated, tangled, and beautiful as I imagined. For the past few years, I've vastly preferred magical realism to any other type of literature, and Rushdie is one of its true masters. This book is another true masterpiece, and I would highly recommend it.
</p>
<p><br><br> 
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8378/8491562710_defde0c118_t.jpg">
</p><p>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10756240-telegraph-avenue">Telegraph Avenue</a> by Michael Chabon, ~172/465 (37%), <i>Currently Reading</i>.</p>
<p>
Since <i>Kavalier and Clay,</i> I have wanted to read every word Chabon has ever written, but I need to be careful not to constantly compare the two. So far, I love the richness of detail and tenderness of characterization just as much as I expected I would, although the story is not as immediately gripping yet. Still, I'm really enjoying it and looking forward to how it progresses.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
So there we are. From last May to now, I've read somewhere around 3531 pages, almost exclusively on the subway and ferry and occasionally before falling asleep. 2787 fiction, 744 nonfiction. 
</p>
<p>
Best book, hands down, was <i>Kavalier and Clay</i>, and the most regrettable is probably a toss-up between <i>White Noise</i> and <I>Tender is the Night</i>. I suspect the latter was a victim of circumstance and that I'll be back at some point extolling its virtues, so the ignominious title goes to DeLillo. 
</p> 
<p>
Somehow the Kindle makes me monogamous to books in a way I've never been before (I usually juggle 8 or 9 books at a time, finishing one rarely). I am still an agonizingly slow reader, but I'm enjoying it more and more, either through better choices or a slow progression into relaxation and allowing myself pleasure in words again. I deeply envy the friends who I see tearing through books at a comparatively breakneck pace, but my brain is only going to move at the pace it does.
</p>
<p>
The only hard part, I suppose, is the agonizing decision of what to read next.</p>
<p>
(Except for once, that's not true. I know exactly what I want to read next this time, and I'm ridiculously excited to get my grabby little hands on it. We'll talk about it soon.)
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>False dichotomies as handy personality sorters</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2013/01/false-dichotomies-as-handy-personality-sorters.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2013://2.665</id>

    <published>2013-01-13T18:21:05Z</published>
    <updated>2013-01-13T19:13:19Z</updated>

    <summary> Once upon a time I knew a guy who used to ask people he met, &quot;So... Rolling Stones or Beatles?&quot; Years before the This or That tendency, it was a surprisingly effective way to learn about people. Occasionally I...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="conversation" label="conversation" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="daily" label="daily" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="silly" label="silly" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thinky" label="thinky" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
Once upon a time I knew a guy who used to ask people he met, "So... Rolling Stones or Beatles?" Years before the This or That tendency, it was a surprisingly effective way to learn about people.
</p>
<p>
Occasionally I add items to my mental list, and the other day when I was doing a really lot of highway driving, I realized I had developed a pretty decent temperament sorter from seemingly arbitrary but actually fairly telling preferences. Please feel encouraged to use these at parties, on dates etc.:
<br><br></p>
<p>
<ul>
<li> Beatles / Rolling Stones<br><br></li>
<li> James Joyce / William Faulkner<br><br></li>
<li> Carly Simon / Carole King<br><br></li>
<li> Steve McQueen / John Wayne<br><br></li>
<li> Led Zeppelin / Pink Floyd<br><br></li>
<li> Almonds / Pecans<br><br></li>
<li> Black leather / Brown leather<br><br></li>
<li> Football / Baseball<br><br></li>
<li> Cats / Dogs<br><br></li>
<li> Silver jewelry / Gold jewelry<br><br></li>
<li> Green / Blue<br><br></li>
<li> Running / Bicycling<br><br></li>
<li> Jeans / Corduroys<br><br></li>
<li> Stripes / Plaid<br><br></li>
<li> Lager / IPA</br><br></li>
<li> Whiskey / Rum<br><br></li>
<li> Swiss cheese / Cheddar cheese<br><br></li>
<li> Heidegger / Sartre<br><br></li>
<li> Italy / France<br><br></li>
<li> Flip-flops / Sneakers<br><br></li>
<li> Olives / Pickles<br><br></li>
<li> (For fans of 90s music) : Pearl Jam / Nirvana<br><br></li>
<li> (ditto) Soundgarden / Smashing Pumpkins<br><br></li>
<li> Chocolate chip cookie / Brownie<br><br></li>
<li> Sweater / Hoodie<br><br></li>
</ul>
</p>
<p>
Some slightly New York-centric ones:
<ul>
<li> Yankees / Mets<br></li>
<li> Jets / Giants<br></li>
<li> MoMA / Whitney (I amended this one - it used to be MoMA / Guggenheim)<br></li>
<li> Williamsburg / LES<br></li>
<li> Subway / Bus<br></li>
<li> Starbucks / Dunkin Donuts<br></li>
<li> Urban Outfitters / American Apparel (this one is for which is worse)</li>
</ul>
</p>
<p>
Useful favorites that tend to reveal fascinating things:
<ul>
<li> Dinosaur</li>
<li> Scientist</li>
<li> Meal to cook v. Meal to eat</li>
<li> Decade in the 20th century</li>
<li> Time period in art history</li>
<li> Song or band in high school</li>
<li> Book as a child</li>
<li> James Bond movie</li>
<li> Concept or formula in math or physics</li>
<li> Planet or star</li>
<li> Month</li>
<li> Holiday</li>
<li> Sport to play v. Sport to watch<br></li>
<li> Olympic event</li>
<li> Musical instrument<br></li>
<li> Chemical element<br></li>
<li> Caffeinated beverage<br></li>
<li> Superpower<br></li>
<li> Breakfast item</li>
</ul>
</p>
<p>
I guess I have a tendency to quiz people, but the key is that there are no right or wrong answers (except sometimes "Neither" in the dichotomies). If you have a particularly good sorter, I'd love to keep expanding this list.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>What 2012 Has Been</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/12/what-2012-has-been.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.664</id>

    <published>2012-12-24T05:30:09Z</published>
    <updated>2012-12-24T06:53:50Z</updated>

    <summary> In a word? Challenging. In three words? Really bloody challenging. I didn&apos;t actually intend to stop posting in August, but some sort of haze or fog descended on my brain, which hasn&apos;t honestly fully lifted yet. A soft-around-the-edges sense...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="2012" label="2012" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="concerts" label="concerts" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="culture" label="culture" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="daily" label="daily" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="family" label="family" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="friends" label="friends" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="loss" label="loss" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="love" label="love" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="pets" label="pets" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="work" label="work" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="yearinreview" label="year-in-review" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
In a word? Challenging.
</p>
<p>
In three words? <i>Really bloody challenging.</i>
</p>
<p>
I didn't actually intend to stop posting in August, but some sort of haze or fog descended on my brain, which hasn't honestly fully lifted yet. A soft-around-the-edges sense of exhaustion and weariness and constant aching in my neck that attenuates in unexpected and startling moments when I'm wholly unprepared to deal with serious thoughts.
</p>
<p>
If I'm being honest, I'm not dealing with things well. And 2012 has been the Year of Things to Deal With. 
</p>
<p>
In August I was watching my parents' pets and house while they were on a trip to Africa. I was commuting by SeaStreak and usually getting home to catch spectacular sunsets in the Atlantic Highlands Marina. Smoochie, Otto, and I were watching the Olympics and crying at sappy commercials. One night, I was sitting in an armchair, my half-assed dinner of cereal and Diet Coke feeling surprisingly satisfying, beginning to doze and thinking I should get up to iron my dress for work, when something hit me, hard. It was such a simple, stark, quiet thought that it was fully inescapable.
</p>
<p>
"I can't believe she's really gone."
</p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/06/sea-change.html"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8222/8302126653_70e35b4d96.jpg"></a>
</p>
<p>
The sentence repeated over and over, until some sort of floodgate opened in my heart. I had been bottling up all of my grief and frustration and confusion about my aunt's death, literally saying, "I can't think about that right now," as if some better time to mourn would come one day. Something about sitting in my parents' house, completely and totally alone on a summer night, crying my eyes out with no one to explain it to, made me feel so desolately alone and empty inside. I haven't really shaken that feeling, even though I've talked with my friends and family and Smokey at great length since then. I have had some disconnect, where words and gestures fail, and I've continued feeling broken and adrift, at baffling and paradoxical times. It's not just my aunt or the upsetting aftermath that threatens to wreck that entire side of the family (if it hasn't already); it's something deeper and scarier and more intensely uncomfortable that lurks around the fringes of my consciousness each morning and haunts me in my sleep.
</p>
<p>
I used to talk with friends about depression and say that sometimes, it makes the most sense to be depressed. In the strictly pragmatic sense, sometimes you need to feel incredibly sad and dissatisfied to make changes in life. If we were constantly content and comfortable, why make art? Why improve things, or solve problems? Why not just enjoy sunny afternoons in hammocks until our time winds out?
</p>
<p>
So in the beginning of 2012, I was pretty unhappy in school, but still content knowing that it was adding up to something. I resolved to stop whining or making things unnecessarily hard on myself, just suck it up and do my work and get on with life. As I finally got my train chugging on its new line, I got blindsided and completely derailed by a stupid and immensely frustrating financial situation, and I haven't gotten over that in the slightest. I know I am damn lucky to have found my job when I did, and I mostly really like it, but there are days when I feel like all my education and experience has been a complete waste.
</p>
<p>
I faltered in my resolve to stop falling in love with guys who were all wrong for me or get carried away in escapist fantasies. I ignored countless flashing red signs of BAD IDEA and went with my feelings, then I broke both of our hearts when I called it off. A little later I gave in to his pleading, tried it again, and soon after called it off for good. A few weeks ago, I ran into him on the 4 train, when we were both running late for work, and it was genuinely pleasant to see one another and talk. He wasn't bitter or mean or cold - he was just himself, which is what I always loved about him.
</p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/04/meet-mustafa.html"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8494/8303192186_4f760f3f42.jpg"></a>
</p>
<p>
He's going to be fine, and I have no doubt he'll find someone who wants the same things in life as he does, and he'll be immensely happy. When I broke up with him for good, he wished that I find a good man with a kind heart, and I awkwardly stammered, "You mean another one, right?" Every day I walk around knowing that I gave up on someone who loved me, who sincerely wanted to marry me and have children and make a life together. I know there were lots of intellectual and pragmatic reasons why it was a terrible idea to be with him, and I still know breaking up was the right thing to do, but that doesn't soften the sting of it.
</p>
<p>
Naturally, I imagine myself alone forever now, and I think about things I'll do with my time instead of being in love or having children. Healthy coping mechanisms have always been my strong suit.
</p>
<p>
Even I am tired of rehashing sadness and loss, but 2012 was unrelenting on that front. I spent a lot of time sick, like a ridiculous amount, either with the same bronchitis that kept coming back or a coincidental series of colds and flus that kept putting me back on antibiotics and codeine for the months of September, October, and November, with a milder dalliance with convalescence and fainting in the beginning of December (who ever could have predicted low blood pressure and anemia after three months of soup and cold pizza?).
</p>
<p>
Being constantly sick was pocket change compared to the crushing blow dealt by Hurricane Sandy, which deadbeat my parents' house, flooding their yard and basement with chest-deep water. They lost the furnace, water heater, and electrical panel, and my brother was champion of the storm, rewiring the house and putting in countless hours removing all of our ruined stuff. I stayed in Staten Island, contending poorly with commuting by bus from my freezing cold and dark apartment just to have a few hours at work, where it was warm and I could charge my phone. My brother and I both celebrated our birthdays without power, taking the coldest showers of our lives, and my sweet parents kept apologizing, as if they had anything to do with something so much bigger than all of us. On my actual birthday, in the hour I waited between express and local bus transfers at the side of a road, I decided to get a cheeseburger and fries so I'd have something warm to eat. Standing shivering in the insufficient lee of a bus shelter, I was feeling pretty dreadfully sorry for myself and my family, when I noticed just how crisp and flavorful the fries were. Everything was that way - this was really exceptional for fast food - and I started laughing that absurd, hysterical laughter that comes in the wake of awful things.
</p>
<p>
My hysterics grew as I chanted the litany of things I'd lost to myself. Pigments and paints I'd hand-carried back from Venice. Every film negative of every photograph I've ever taken. Every fresco or mosaic I've made, illuminated manuscripts, thousands of dollars' worth of art supplies, countless hours of sketchbooks, paintings, dyeing projects, books, love letters, softball gloves, handbags, ticket stubs, and all the nonsensical ephemera that seems important enough to pack in boxes and keep. Laughing harder than could possibly seem sane to an outside observer, I said out loud, "I didn't lose my family!" and I danced in relief that we may have lost a <i>really</i> lot of stuff, but we didn't lose each other. What else actually matters?
</p>
<p>
That night, I decided that the only thing that would make me happy was a hot bath. I spent a ridiculous amount of time boiling water by candlelight, banking on still tenuous ideas about physics and heat transfer through water, willing my stupid drafty bathroom not to ruin my plan. I drank an entire bottle of wine and took the greatest bath of my life by candlelight. Two days later, I was in New Jersey with my family, mucking out the rest of the basement and eating chili that my father and I prepared on the wood stove. I kept thinking that if all I wanted in the world was a hot bath and to be with my family, I was damn lucky that I had literally gotten everything I wanted. 
</p>
<p>
In spite of - or perhaps because of - so many challenges this year, there were some really great things too. The soul thrives in contrast, and the lower the valleys, the more soaring and transcendent the peaks seemed.
</p>
<p>
Art and culture became vital and essential to my survival, instead of just happy ways to spend a day. I had some of my favorite days and nights ever in New York, and I finally started to feel that this city is my home. So here is the year according to my calendar (of course not including little dinners and drinks, which are seriously the sustenance of my soul lately):
</p>
<p>
<b>January</b>
<ul><li> helped my brother move into a new apartment, which was one of the more amusing days I've spent with him and marked our introduction to Spooky Ghost</li>
<li> <i>Faust</i> and <i>The Enchanted Island</i> at the Met</li>
<li> <i>War Horse</i> at the Lincoln Center Theater, the best night of theater of my life</li>
<li> NYC Ballet : The Steadfast Tin Soldier / Le Tombeau de Couperin / Tschaikovsky Pas de Deux / Who Cares?; Donizetti Variations / Polyphonia / Ocean's Kingdom</li>
<li> met and started dating Mustafa</li></ul>
</p>
<p>
<b>February</b>
</p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6929485065/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7179/6929485065_6685d3c6ea.jpg"></a></p>
<ul>
<li> This Will Destroy You with A Far Cry and Slow Six at Merkin Concert Hall (amazing concert with my dear friend John)</li>
<li> NYC Ballet : Allegro Brillante / Russian Seasons / Zakouski / Stravinsky Violin Concerto; Romeo and Juliet</li>
<li> <i>Ernani</i> at the Met</li>
<li> an Arabic poetry reading at the other Met with Penelope</li>
<li> a visit to the <a href="http://www.statenislandmuseum.org/">Staten Island Museum</a> and <a href="http://www.historicrichmondtown.org/">Historic Richmond Town</a>, obsessing over the history of Staten Island for my History and Geography of New York class (one of the best I've ever taken)</li>
<li> my first "real" date with Mustafa at <a href="http://www.enotecamaria.com">Enoteca Maria</a>, followed by many other perfect dates</li>
</ul>
<p>
<b>March</b>
<ul>
<li> <i>Don Giovanni</i> and <i>Macbeth</i> at the Met
<li> lunch and a visit to see the Renoirs at the Frick with my awesome cousin Desirée
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6833414054/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7037/6833414054_7a686a558f.jpg"></a>
</p></li>
<li> a lovely visit with my dear friend Kelly (how did we not take any pictures??)</li>
<li> Shake Shack and the Black Keys at Madison Square Garden on an unseasonably warm, perfect night with Penelope:
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6833414212/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7187/6833414212_f1fac4d0bf.jpg"></a>
</p>
</li>
<li> Miike Snow at the Music Hall of Williamsburg (amazing)
<li> my family's St. Patrick's Day party, one of the best yet</li>
<li> SPRING BREAAAAAK (during which I worried enormously about Biochemistry)</li>
</ul>
<p>
<b>April</b>
<ul><li> <i>Manon</i> and <i>La Traviata</i> at the Met</li>
<li> SBTRKT at Terminal 5, where I danced my face off (much needed)</li>
<li> Alabama Shakes at the Bowery Ballroom, with my whole family :
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6932235850/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7090/6932235850_b414153e84.jpg"></a>
</p>
</li>
<li> presentation of our semester-long Biochemistry research project on Glutamate dehydrogenase in <i>T. vaginalis</i>, which my lovely partner and I crushed (if I'm being completely immodest but factually accurate)</li>
<li> celebration of my Grandma Jean's 80th birthday with my mom's family</li></ul>
<p>
<b>May</b>
<ul>
<li> Neon Indian at Terminal 5 (more face-dancing-off, again much-needed)</li>
<li> NYC Ballet : In the Night / The Cage / Andantino / In G Major; Serenade / Firebird / Symphony in C</li>
<li> American Ballet Theater: Giselle, La Bayedere</li>
<li> the crushing realization that I would not be able to continue in school and the subsequent panic and flailing about to get my resume up to date and submitted for jobs; the solidification of my resolve over way too many coconut margaritas, where I declared to my mother that I would definitely, without question, get a job that week and then our HR person called me for my first interview</li></ul>
<p><b>June</b></p>
<ul><li>ABT : Onegin, Swan Lake</li>
<li> NYC Ballet : <i>A Midsummer Night's Dream</i></li>
<li> at the Count Basie, Buddy Guy & Jonny Lang; Crosby, Stills & Nash</li>
<li> second interview, third in-person interview, and job offer a half hour after I left (booyah); started my lovely job</li>
<li> lost my Aunt Elise in the second week of my new job, tried really hard not to fall apart and (as you can see above) have been mostly unsuccessful with that whole repressing-emotions bit</li>
</ul>
<p>
<b>July</b>
<ul><li> saw no fireworks for Independence Day because WTF, Red Bank</li>
<li> Concerts : Guided by Voices / The Pains of Being Pure at Heart / The War on Drugs / Cloud Nothings in Central Park, Beach House in Central Park, The Wallflowers at the Stone Pony
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862066/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7262/7634862066_c6901f80e1.jpg"></a>
</p>
</li>
</li>
<li> Tchaikovsky Festival and the New York Philharmonic Concert in the Park, which thoroughly ignited by obsession for the symphony</li>
<li> summer break from work (I know!)</li>
<li> taking care of the pets and house in New Jersey while my parents were in Africa</li>
</ul>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/8089228569/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8327/8089228569_03f8f45259.jpg"></a>
</p>
<p>
<b>August</b>
<ul><li> one of the best exhibits I've seen in years, if not ever, Wu Guanzhong at the Asia Society</li>
<li> summer Fridays, which quickly became Prosecco Fridays</li>
<li> Jason Mraz at the PNC (yeah right, Garden State) Arts Center</li>
<li> the day that started with the most exciting text I think I've ever gotten, when my dear friend <a href="http://www.hoperoth.com/blog/">Hope</a> said she had a very strong feeling she was going to have a baby that day and the beautiful <a href="http://www.hoperoth.com/blog/?p=3381">Lilian Jane</a> was born!</li>
</ul>
<p>
<a href="http://www.hoperoth.com/blog"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8072/8303226706_c27c8eb617.jpg"></a>
<br>
<i>(Has thoroughly mastered side-eye already.)</i>
</p>
<p>
<b>September</b>
<ul><li> the beginning of my failure to fully move back to Staten Island after so much of the summer in Jersey (I still haven't technically unpacked my last suitcase yet)</li>
<li> my friends Dan and Emily welcomed the adorable Megan Elizabeth into the world</li>
<li> NYC Ballet : Scherzo à la Russe, Divertimento from "Le Baiser de la Fée," Danses Concertantes, Firebird</li>
<li> my first gooey, disgusting sickness that took me out of commission for most of the month</li>
</ul>
<p><b>October</b>
<ul><li> James Iha and Milagres at the Mercury Lounge</li>
<li> NY Philharmonic : Tchaikovsky's Little Russian Symphony and Nielsen's Flute and Violin Concertos; Rafael Frühbeck de Burgos conducting Symphonie fantastique</li>
<li> <i>Otello</i> at the Met</li>
<li> NYC Ballet: Two Hearts, Les Carillons</li>
<li> The Walkmen at Terminal 5 for my birthday (thank you, Penelope!)</li>
<li> I got to see Hope and Kristian and meet the little LJ in Brooklyn!
<li> my second gooey, disgusting sickness</li>
<li> Hurricane Sandy, ugh.</li>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/8303227284/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8359/8303227284_48cd151570.jpg"></a>
</p>
</ul>
<p><b>November</b>
<ul><li> my 31st birthday (see above) and my brother's 33rd</li>
<li> the tremendous and wonderful reelection of Barack Obama!</li>
<li> <i>Le Nozze di Figaro</i> and <i>Un Ballo in Maschera</i> at the Met</li>
<li> <a href="http://www.nyctaper.com/2012/12/david-bazan-playing-pedro-the-lions-control-november-15-2012-music-hall-of-williamsburg-flacmp3streaming/">David Bazan at the Music Hall of Williamsburg</a>, Aerosmith at MSG</li>
<li> that awesome day when Toledo Edison restored power to my parents' house and we had a Diana Ross dance party to celebrate</li>
<li> Thanksgiving at my Aunt Jeannine's, where we were all truly, deeply, intensely thankful to be together</li>
<li> my third gooey, disgusting sickness, this time much less severe but no less annoying than the previous two</li>
</ul>
<p><b>December</b>
<ul>
<li> <i>La Clemenza di Tito</i> at the Met (and <i>Les Troyens</i> will be on the 29th)</li>
<li> a benefit concert for Sandy relief at Terminal 5 featuring Cults, The Antlers, Grizzly Bear, and Sleigh Bells</li>
<li> delivery and assembly of my beloved new elliptical machine!</li>
<li> a lovely and thought-provoking visit with my friend Andrew from Florida</li>
<li> <i>A Christmas Carol</i> at the Count Basie, followed by a day of cookie baking and tree-trimming, which put us all thoroughly in the Christmas spirit</li>
<li> NY Philharmonic : André Watts and Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2; Handel's "Messiah"</li>
</ul>
<p>
I realize there is still a little bit of December left, and it would be cynical to throw the towel in on the year already. I can see that there were a lot of really great things that happened this year while I was preoccupied with the handful of very heavy ones. I can also see that at some point I got overwhelmed and stopped taking pictures, which is as frustrating as it is out of character. I need to either fix my good camera or sort out my issues with my current roster.
</p>
<p>
I learned a lot of friends were pregnant by pictures of occupied uteruses on Facebook, which is honestly never going to stop being weird to me. I learned other friends were getting engaged by Instagram photos of their rings, which don't benefit from nostalgia filters if it's shiny new <i>news</i>. All snark aside, I've seen family and friends find the loves of their lives and pair up in ways that restore my faith in the universe. And some people in my life have had years about as difficult, or shall we say <i>challenging</i> as mine. 
</p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/8089229094/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8325/8089229094_b5937a6886.jpg"></a>
</p>
<p>
Every year I say I'm going to be better about keeping track of things, organizing my time and space better, paying attention to small moments, connecting with people. I'm always sincere when I say it, but I usually know in the back of my mind that my resolve will peter out and I'll end up drinking too much and sleeping in front of the fire mulling over regrets. 
</p>
<p>
So I make no promises except that I'm going to try harder to find the beauty in everyday experiences. To find some glimmer of joy and fascination in every day, and to try to figure out what's going on in my heart that it keeps feeling choked and closed.
</p>
<p>All things considered, that's a pretty big challenge for 2013.</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>The Return of Bitchin&apos; Fridays</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/08/the-return-of-bitchin-fridays.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.663</id>

    <published>2012-08-13T03:53:00Z</published>
    <updated>2012-08-13T04:53:47Z</updated>

    <summary> Lately I feel like this blog could be accurately subtitled &quot;Fun Things I Did with Penelope,&quot; as our schedules and inclinations have synched perfectly for the first time in months (years?). When we used to work together, we celebrated...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="centralpark" label="Central Park" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="culture" label="culture" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="friends" label="friends" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="italy" label="Italy" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="les" label="LES" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="music" label="music" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="summer" label="summer" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
Lately I feel like this blog could be accurately subtitled "Fun Things I Did with Penelope," as our schedules and inclinations have synched perfectly for the first time in months (years?). When we used to work together, we celebrated the end of the week (which was paradoxically our busiest, most demanding day) with Bitchin' Fridays, consistently my favorite part of the week.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Now it turns out my job has summer hours on Fridays from break until Labor Day, where instead of getting out at 5:30, we get out at 3. I know, right?? Pretty freaking sweet. Determined to take advantage of these days, especially when they've coincided with P having afternoons off, I've had some pretty spectacular Fridays lately.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7577149218/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8028/7577149218_b20d6b464b.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
<p>
Our first was one of the all-time best. We grabbed a bottle of prosecco and Shake Shack to go, then picnicked in Central Park for the free <a href="http://nyphil.org/meet/archive/index.cfm?page=eventDetail&eventNum=2571&seasonNum=11&archive=1">New York Philharmonic concert</a>. I was recently obsessed with the philharmonic, having attended an all-Tchaikovsky performance that Monday. The music was incredible, and I couldn't have imagined a more perfect way to enjoy a summer evening, surrounded by thousands of other New Yorkers, sipping prosecco, startling to see fireflies come out. Oh, and then there were fireworks too.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7577146670/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7120/7577146670_dfb1f3bc1d.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
There was something so magical about seeing the fireworks over the lit-up skyline at the southern border of the park. I felt this sense of connectedness and home in this city, where hearing Alec Baldwin in real life made perfect sense (he gave the welcome address) and knowing that everyone else around us, thousands and thousands of people, read or heard the same thing I did and thought, "Yeah, that sounds like a nice thing to do on Friday." It made me fall in love with this city and its people all over again.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Our next bitchin' Friday included celebration of some super exciting news (it's not my news, so I can't spill it here yet). We met at the Asia Society, to catch the last day of the phenomenal Wu Guanzhong exhibit, "<a href="http://asiasociety.org/new-york/exhibitions/revolutionary-ink-paintings-wu-guanzhong">Revolutionary Ink</a>." I have much, much more to say about that exhibit, but it should suffice to say it was one of the best I've ever seen and inspiring in countless ways.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759231558/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8282/7759231558_772d4990d7.jpg"></a>
<br>
(If you know the city, this photograph is a huge hint.)
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I had a bottle of prosecco tucked in my bag (look, we really like prosecco), so we took to the park to drink outside. Foolishly, because I was in a big rush and just asked the liquor store guy for "the driest one you have," I didn't notice that the bottle I'd gotten had a <i>spago</i> closure (that annoying cork and string situation), and we needed a bottle opener. Penelope laughingly pointed out that they serve wine at Shake Shack, and we talked ourselves into walking across the park and getting dinner. I mean, twist my arm, right.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759231372/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7255/7759231372_425bec5865.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
We happened upon <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strawberry_Fields_(memorial)">Strawberry Fields</a>, which for all the years I've lived in the city, I don't think I'd ever gotten around to visiting in person. It's pretty much exactly what you'd expect, flowers arranged in a peace sign over the "Imagine" mosaic, hippies surreptitiously smoking pot and strumming acoustic guitars, people queuing up to take photos, occasionally of themselves making peace signs.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759231246/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7246/7759231246_03bc646fd6.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I was perhaps excessively amused when a little kid started tipping over the framed photographs of John Lennon and grabbing at the various things people left at the memorial.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759231092/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8283/7759231092_d8e7882b3e.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Let me be the one to tell you, if you don't already know, that prosecco and Shake Shack are a match made in heaven. We already knew this from our picnic in the park, but man, it really is just perfect. We talked and laughed for <i>hours</i> and I still got back to the southern tip of Manhattan in time to take the last ferry back to New Jersey. We were both blown away by the art we saw, the loveliness of the park in the late afternoon / early evening, and of course we were delighted to have the time to spend excitedly talking about the future and giggling over the past.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
This past Friday, we had plans to sip prosecco on the rooftop of the Met (Have you spotted a theme in our plans? We <i>really</i> like prosecco.) but the sky fell out while I was still at work, and neither of us wanted to chance the forecast for continued thunderstorms. The decadence of rooftop cocktails comes in part from an abundance of time and an absence of demands, the ability to just enjoy <i>being</i>, without glancing constantly at the clouds to see if they're turning.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759230994/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8426/7759230994_de78be0d76.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Instead we met on the Lower East Side, beginning with gelato outside. I've been obsessed with half chocolate half raspberry all summer, and <a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/gelato-ti-amo-new-york">Gelato Ti Amo</a> was pretty near perfect. If you use <a href="http://scoutmob.com/">Scoutmob</a>, by the way (which you really, really should), they currently have a free cone deal, which I only discovered after we'd purchased ours. I've filed that one away for future reference, though.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759230892/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8302/7759230892_b2fd7c2f7c.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
The weather held up (argh), and while we felt like chumps for forgoing the Met, we both enjoyed relaxing and chatting as the afternoon settled into the evening. When it turned toward dinner time, we discovered a terrific restaurant a few blocks away. It happened they had a 50% off deal on Scoutmob (do I sound like a shill yet? I don't get anything out of mentioning this, I just think it was really cool), so we thought it would be good to try a new place. And what a terrific decision that turned out to be!
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759230584/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8431/7759230584_fda2ab7201.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I seriously love places where you can sit outside on the sidewalk, probably because it reminds me so much of Italy. The Lower East Side has no shortage of such places, but it can be tough to find one that's tucked away enough from traffic, doesn't get mobbed with pedestrians, and actually has really good food. <a href="http://www.threeofcupsnyc.com/">Three of Cups</a> ticked all the boxes, and it was such a pleasure to sip wine, laugh hysterically, and over-indulge in crazy delicious food.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
When I first met Penelope, I asked if she thought it was weird that I liked taking pictures of food. Not only did she not think it was weird, but she admitted that she did it too, and we've both unabashedly done so all the time since. So of course, you get to see just how much we overdid it (yes, after eating gelato. I had a tough week).
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759230784/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8295/7759230784_5d026da8a7.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
We shared extraordinary, massive <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arancini">arancini</a>, with fresh ricotta and delectable marinara.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759230264/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7138/7759230264_6438473b1e.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
We both got papardelle in a mushroom ragu with prosciutto and truffle oil. It was as extraordinary as it sounds. I've long believed truffle oil is Nature's MSG, and they were quite generous with it. I have to appreciate the very <i>Italianness</i> of a place that serves perfect rosemary focaccia with white truffle infused olive oil right out of the gates and keeps pushing truffles throughout the meal. One of the first times we were in Italy together, Penelope and I both commented on how abundant truffles were in the Tuscan dishes we were eating, even though the peak of the Piedmont season is the fall (how delighted was I to meet someone who knows those facts off the top of her head??). We joked that the chefs of Volterra were cleaning out their pantries in anticipation of the next harvest, and I've associated super rich truffle dishes with summer since then.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
You'd think after such a rich meal, there'd be no room for dessert, but you'd be completely wrong. I was hypnotized by the description of a special blackberry panna cotta from the moment we sat down, and I was going to find a way to suffer through it.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7759229862/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7135/7759229862_696b99d460.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
It was positively heavenly. Panna cotta is one of those desserts that's so easy to make, but also so easy to mess up. Americans tend to overdo the gelatin content, so they come out bouncier, more solid, without that cloudy, delicate texture of supple cream. This panna cotta was on par with the best I ever had in Italy, and the blackberries mixed in instead of sprinkled on top made an arresting difference. 
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
It was pretty much the most perfect meal I've had lately, and I couldn't have asked for a lovelier companion. Once again, I had to rush to catch the last ferry back to Jersey, but I rode the subway with a couple about to get married, who had met at the 8th Ave subway stop 5 years ago. Their friends were taking them for a late-night champagne sail around the city, and they all talked about what an extraordinary twist of fate it was to find each other in the middle of the night, standing on a subway platform. I kept thinking about them on the ferry, and as we docked in Atlantic Highlands, I looked at the perfect stillness of the bay and sighed, thinking "Damn, I really truly <i>love</i> New York."
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Pel and I have resolved to do more in the city, to visit the places we've always meant to, do the things that sound like fun, take advantage of all the amazing cultural and artistic things this wonderful place has to offer. It's hard to convey these evenings spent talking about everything in the world with such a great friend in photographs (especially when they're all of food) or even words, but I know that for all of my life, I will think of these days as some of the most magical and lovely. Bitchin' Friday, a perfect state of mind.
</br><br></p>
<p>
(<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/sets/72157629328289500/">Many more photos here</a>.)]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Beach House at Central Park SummerStage</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/08/beach-house-at-central-park-summerstage.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.662</id>

    <published>2012-08-11T17:20:41Z</published>
    <updated>2012-08-11T18:27:48Z</updated>

    <summary> A few years ago I got tickets to see The Black Keys in Central Park for my friend Penelope&apos;s birthday, and one of my favorite summer traditions was born. It seems that the show I&apos;m most anticipating each summer...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="concerts" label="concerts" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="friends" label="friends" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="music" label="music" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="summer" label="summer" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
A few years ago I got tickets to see The Black Keys in Central Park for my friend Penelope's birthday, and one of my favorite summer traditions was born. It seems that the show I'm most anticipating each summer falls on the week or even day of her birthday (July 28), and we have seen some of the best concerts of my life for these birthday shows.
<br><br></p>
<p>
Last year, it was the mind-bogglingly amazing <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/sets/72157627314788664/">Flaming Lips and Weezer</a> special tag-team show at Jones Beach. (Bonus: my brother came for that one because Weezer is one of his all-time favorite bands, and the three of us were completely blown away).
<br><br></p>
<p>
This year was Beach House on a Monday night in Central Park. From the very first time I heard the song "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFxdDE0k1_Q">Gila</a>" years ago, I've been obsessed with seeing Beach House live. I couldn't have hoped for a better venue than Central Park in the summer. I bought these tickets back in January, and I'd been eagerly awaiting it for months.
<br><br></p>
<p>
Man, oh man, it was worth the wait. We started by meeting early for a bottle of wine and dinner at <a href="http://www.baritalianyc.com/">Bar Italia</a>, then got gelato before heading into the park. Thanks to <a href="http://twitter.com/BeaccchHoussse/status/227416189222141952">Twitter</a>, I knew we had loads of time before the stated 5pm doors / 6pm start, so we lingered and relaxed.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862434/" title="p1070078 by beholdthev, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8157/7634862434_9ff8f69afa.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="p1070078"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
If you are ever near the 72nd Street entrance to Central Park, go to the Grom Gelato cart. It is <i>extraordinary</i>. We both got half chocolate, half raspberry, and it was an exquisite blend of tartness and rich, velvety chocolate. Truly perfect stuff.
</p>
<p>
<br><br><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862336/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8429/7634862336_2e9a0cc283.jpg"></a>
<br><br></p>
 <p>
We got into the park as the opening act, <a href="http://lowerdens.com/">Lower Dens</a>, began their first song. I'm really glad we got to see their set because they were terrific, and I've enjoyed getting to know their music better since.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634861796/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8157/7634861796_c9ea4a1291.jpg"></a></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
It was so hot and humid crammed in with hundreds of generally surprisingly awesome people that sweat was literally streaming down our legs. The technical no-smoking policy generally in place at SummerStage concerts was particularly lackadaisically enforced at this show, and because Penelope and I are probably the only two women of our generation who don't smoke, we moved out of the thick haze of the crowd for a while. (I realize that sentence probably makes me sound eight million years old and supremely cantankerous, but I have basically lost all patience for people smoking all over me.)
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862066/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7262/7634862066_c6901f80e1.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
This move turned out to be especially fortuitous, as we found shelter (and a seat - yep, still old, but I was full of wine and spaghetti carbonara) on the bleachers under the trees, which afforded both air to breathe and an amazing view of the spectacular lightning in the massive thunderstorm that accompanied Beach House's set.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634861468/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8159/7634861468_55ef7c2a3c.jpg"></a>
<br>
(You'll have to take my word that they're in there.)
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Unlike some bands inclined toward playing rushed or abbreviated sets when poor weather hits outdoor shows (cough, Walkmen and Grizzly Bear at Governor's Island, cough), Beach House played a full luscious, beautiful set. (<a href="http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/beach-house/2012/central-park-new-york-ny-73dc8e31.html">Set list here</a>.) If you know the band, then you can see what a tremendous concert it was. Victoria Legrand adorably said she hoped Mother Nature would be benevolent and let them play the whole show, and toward the end, she thanked Her for being so sweet and lovely. I couldn't possibly have a bigger crush on a band than I do Beach House, and in a way, incorporating natural pyrotechnics and a refreshing downpour made the concert even better. Couples sweetly kissing under umbrellas suggested I wasn't the only one who appreciated the added ambiance.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
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<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I tried to take a video of the way the lights shimmering in the trees combined with the heavy rain made the whole park look and feel like it was underwater. I didn't really succeed in capturing it, but you can perhaps get an idea of how spectacularly lovely the evening was anyway.
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Outdoor summer concerts in the parks are one of my very favorite parts of living in New York. I think this birthday concert tradition is one of the better plans Pel and I have ever devised.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Cooking with 2 or 3 ingredients</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/07/cooking-with-2-or-3-ingredients.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.661</id>

    <published>2012-07-23T05:57:42Z</published>
    <updated>2012-07-24T05:44:47Z</updated>

    <summary> If it seems like my blogging frequency has reached unprecedented highs recently, it is not an illusion. While part of this increase is due to a 2-week vacation from work (booyah), it will not cease (lucky you). I&apos;m truly...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="cooking" label="cooking" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="kitchen" label="kitchen" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="meta" label="meta" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="recipes" label="recipes" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="vegetables" label="vegetables" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[ <p>
If it seems like my blogging frequency has reached unprecedented highs recently, it is not an illusion. While part of this increase is due to a 2-week vacation from work (booyah), it will not cease (lucky you). I'm truly fed up with Facebook hiding my own photos and videos from me, and yes, I know I hate when people say stuff like that, but I've actually spent a reasonable amount of thought and energy fighting the automated curation of my posts when I really would like to just <i>see everything I posted</i> because really <i>that is why I posted it.</i>
</p>
<p>Ahem.</p>
<p>
So, as I was saying, on my staycation I have had almost no money (hence, staycation) and spent a lot of time catching up on personal life things. Also cooking, apparently.
</p>
<p>
I'm not sure if it's a contest I've been in with myself to find the easiest and most delicious things, or if it's just worked out that way, but I have three winners that are both dead simple to prepare and legitimately enjoyable (not just in the "I cooked it, so I have to eat it" way). It does make sense that if you have good ingredients, you don't need to do much to them, but to be able to transform two or three simple things into something magical is my favorite kind of wizardry.
</p>
<p><br><br>
<b>Banana and Nutella ice cream</b></p>
<p><br><br><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862754/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8146/7634862754_ca853f4bcd.jpg"></a><br><br></p>
<p>
<i>Ingredients:</i><br>
<ul><li> 2 bananas</li>
<li> a glop of Nutella</li>
</ul>
</p>
<p>
<i>Preparation</i><br>
<ol><li> Slice bananas and put them on a cookie sheet, covered, in the freezer. Wait a day or two, until they're frozen solid.</li>
<li> Add banana slices and a big glop of Nutella in a food processor.</li>
<li> Blitz until you have ice cream. Eat immediately.</li></ol>
</p>
<p>
So yes, we can get pedantic and say this recipe does not really qualify as "ice cream," but really, are you going to argue with such an extraordinary two-ingredient frozen treat? If anything, it's healthier than ice cream, plus if you swap honey or fruit preserves (or frozen raspberries!) for the Nutella, it's like, vegan, gluten-free, and can be organic. I would assume that you've heard of this technique dozens of times on the internet, but then again I was too lazy to post the photos and instructions that I set up last summer, so maybe you haven't.</p>
<p>
When I made it last summer, I used almost green bananas with orange flower honey, and they did impart a bit of tartness and raw banana taste. This time I used bananas that were so brown I would have qualified them as contenders for banana bread (ooh or <a href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2008/06/nom-nom-nom.html">Banana Cupcakes with Honey Cinnamon Frosting</a>), but in the summer frozen things are way better than baking.</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<b>Scallion Pancakes</b>
</p>
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862660/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8149/7634862660_5d6aab130c.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
<i>Ingredients</i>
<ul><li> 2 cups all-purpose flour</li>
<li> 1 cup boiling water</li>
<li> 1 bunch scallions</li>
<li> sesame seed oil (confession, I used vegetable oil)</li></ul>
</p>
<p>
<i>Preparation</i>
</p>
<p>
Here I am going to be equally lazy and (I hope) informative and link you to two terrific posts on <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/2011/04/the-food-lab-how-to-make-scallion-pancakes-chinese-appetizers.html">the technique</a> and <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2011/04/extra-flaky-scallion-pancakes-recipe.html">the recipe</a>. These posts do such a wonderful job of explaining laminated dough, why a hot water dough is so perfect, and how to make amazing scallion pancakes that I see no sense in reinventing the wheel. Go read them, admire the hell out of their author, then try to avoid making scallion pancakes immediately.
</p>
<p>
The dipping sauce, I did sort of invent, using soy sauce (yep, leftover packets from Chinese takeaway), ginger, and garlic. It was perfect, went perfectly with the pancakes, everything was perfect, perfect.</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<b>Warm Tomato and Avocado Salad</b>
</p>
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7634862550/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8163/7634862550_4260ca4d8f.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
<i>Ingredients</i><br>
<ul><li> 1 ripe avocado, sliced along the long axis</li>
<li> 2 vine-ripened tomatoes, sliced thickly</li>
<li> olive oil, salt, and black pepper</li>
</ul>
</p>
<p>
<i>Preparation</i>
</p>
<p>
<ol><li>Put about a tsp of olive oil in a hot skillet. Sauté avocado slices until they are slightly caramelized and crisp at the edges. Remove to paper toweling (or let's be honest, your plate).</li>
<li> If needed, add another tsp or so of olive oil. Sauté tomato slices several minutes, until they've sort of released and then soaked up their juices again. Add to plate.</li>
<li> Drizzle the sort of tomato-olive oil vinaigrette that forms in the skillet over the tomatoes and avocados.</li> 
<li> Season liberally with salt and fresh cracked black pepper.</li>
</ol></p>
<p>
This salad was one of the finest things I've ever made. Heat brings out the nuttiness and complexity of the avocado, as well as the warm spiciness of tomatoes. As you eat it, the tomatoes mush up into a sort of sauce, which melds beautifully with the olive oil and pepper. Everything about this dish is so perfect that I'm not sure I can ever go back to tomatoes and avocados raw (yes I probably can). I didn't even have to feel guilty because I would have drizzled the cold version with the same amount of olive oil anyway, but the beauty of the flavors and textures when warm was incomparable.
</p>
<p>
I forgot that the scallion pancakes had water (does that really count as an ingredient? I don't think so), or like salt and pepper (same deal), but honestly, these three recipes are about as simple as you can get. Rolling and laminating dough may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's seriously easy. While I was making my pancakes, I somehow managed to drop one in the space between my stove and the wall - so believe me, if I say a cooking technique is easy, it really, really is.
</p>
<p>
I will continue my quest to find the easiest and tastiest things to cook, and I will try to resist posting recipes that are like, "Put black plums in your fridge. Eat cold (<a href="http://allpoetry.com/poem/8501185-This_Is_Just_To_Say-by-William_Carlos_Williams">so sweet and so cold</a>)." I make no promises.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Moules frites!</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/07/moules-frites.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.660</id>

    <published>2012-07-19T04:53:43Z</published>
    <updated>2012-07-19T04:19:55Z</updated>

    <summary> When summer days are as extraordinarily hot and humid as they&apos;ve been, I can think of few things more pleasant to do on a Tuesday evening than meet with friends at an outdoor bistro and close the kitchen down...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="brooklyn" label="Brooklyn" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="friends" label="friends" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="summer" label="summer" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
When summer days are as extraordinarily hot and humid as they've been, I can think of few things more pleasant to do on a Tuesday evening than meet with friends at an outdoor bistro and close the kitchen down eating rounds of moules frites and drinking several bottles of pinot grigio.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7601404846/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8148/7601404846_9417e9409a.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p> 
<p>
My dear friend Penelope and I happened across <a href="http://chezoskar.com/">Chez Oskar</a> several years ago when we were working together in Brooklyn, and since then, we've fallen madly in love with their Tuesday night all-you-can-eat mussels special.
</p>
<p>
<br><br><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7601404672/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8155/7601404672_66bd915cbf.jpg"></a></a><br><br>
</p>
<p>
Penelope and our friend Agnes, a brilliant physicist (and now filmmaker too!), have been keeping up the Tuesday night mussels tradition, but I haven't been able to join them until this week (yet another reason to be glad I am no longer in school!). It was such a treat to spend hours talking, drinking, laughing, and quite literally catching up on the universe.
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7601404538/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8004/7601404538_4ccff51112.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I think about how lucky I have been in life to have met so many astonishingly brilliant, talented, charming, funny, warm, and truly lovely women, and I feel even luckier to call them friends. I am also damn impressed with their ability to put away mussels - nine rounds!
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7601404768/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8153/7601404768_72938f2403.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
Really, a perfect summer night.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Recipe: Rice Cooker Quinoa with Mirepoix</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/07/recipe-rice-cooker-quinoa-with-mirepoix.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.659</id>

    <published>2012-07-17T02:24:22Z</published>
    <updated>2012-07-17T02:26:47Z</updated>

    <summary> I am perhaps problematically fearless in my kitchen. When encountered with almost any type of food, I basically know how to cook it, and I&apos;m not afraid to experiment (jelly chicken, sigh). This tendency has resulted in some awesome...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="cooking" label="cooking" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="kitchen" label="kitchen" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="recipes" label="recipes" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
I am perhaps problematically fearless in my kitchen. When encountered with almost any type of food, I basically know how to cook it, and I'm not afraid to experiment (jelly chicken, sigh). This tendency has resulted in some awesome triumphs, as well as some shudder-worthy failures (soup biscuits), but it generally serves me well.
</p>
<p>
So a little while ago, I bought a bag of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quinoa">quinoa</a> (I realize you've probably heard of it all over the internet before). I must admit to having something of a food crush and/or fundamental amazement when it comes to quinoa. It's one of those foods that I will always order, request as a side-dish at my parents' house, and muse about, usually at great length. I mean, how can a <i>superfood</i> be so enjoyable to eat?!
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7587374992/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8422/7587374992_387fc9b83f.jpg"><br><br></a>
</p>
<p>
Until this evening, I was vaguely aware that quinoa could be prepared in a rice cooker, but I didn't really have the specifics. I had my mom's really good stovetop recipe, but nowhere near the patience or inclination to stand by the stove stirring. 30 seconds of Googling suggested treating it just like rice in the rice cooker, and that was enough for me. I combined my idea to cook it with a mirepoix with this method, and my oh my, it was perfect!
</p>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7587374814/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7113/7587374814_9520193ce2.jpg"><br><br></a>
</p>
<p>
<b>
Rice Cooker Quinoa with Mirepoix
</b>
</p>
<p><i>Ingredients:</i><br>
<ul><li> 1.5 cups red quinoa</li>
<li> 1-2 medium carrots, peeled and sliced into about 1/8" pennies</li>
<li> 2 stalks celery, sliced</li>
<li> 1 bunch scallions / green onions, sliced</li>
<li> 2-3 tablespoons minced garlic</li>
<li> 2 cups vegetable broth</li>
<li> 1 cup water</li>
<li> salt, pepper, herbs to taste</li>
</ul>
<p>
<i>Preparation:</i>
<ol><li> Slice the scallions, carrots, and celery into thin slices. You should have roughly even proportions of each on your cutting board. Toss all of those into the rice cooker, along with the garlic.</li>
<li> If quinoa is not pre-rinsed, rinse it for a few minutes. Then toss it into the rice cooker with the vegetables.</li>
<li> Add vegetable broth and water, and give everything a good stir. Unlike rice, it's good to stir the quinoa occasionally to ensure it doesn't stick to the rice cooker or burn. You can use all vegetable broth or all water, but keep the ratio of fluid to grain about 2:1.</li>
<li> Turn rice cooker on, wander off and do whatever you want. Check on it once or twice and stir. The quinoa is done when it's fluffy, tender to the teeth, and the cool spirally casings have popped off the grains. Mine took about 45 min.</li>
</ol>
</p>
<p><br>
That's it! It's really as easy as throwing everything in the rice cooker and stirring once or twice. It came out exactly how I wanted it, and it was spectacularly delicious. The vegetables were supple and soft and imparted their flavors to the broth, the quinoa was nutty and fluffy - I couldn't be happier.
</p>
<p>
You can of course get fancier and make a proper mirepoix in place of vegetable broth, but I wanted something basically effortless. You can eat it as a side (goes delightfully with chicken), or as its own meal because it's super high in protein (superfood, hello?). Perfect in the summer, and I imagine it will be even better on one of those cold autumn or winter nights when I want something earthy and substantive that isn't macaroni and cheese.</p>
<p>
If you have suggestions or tips, I would of course welcome them. And if you make it this way, enjoy!
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>50 Things that Make Every Day More Pleasant</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/07/50-things-that-make-every-day-more-pleasant.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.658</id>

    <published>2012-07-13T10:50:40Z</published>
    <updated>2012-07-13T09:51:21Z</updated>

    <summary> One of my great fixations lately is in developing and maintaining a new daily routine. I have a natural tendency to seek optimization in everything I do: make everything faster, more efficient, more cost-effective, or just plain lovelier. While...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="clothes" label="clothes" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="commuting" label="commuting" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="daily" label="daily" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="domestic" label="domestic" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="fashion" label="fashion" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="hobbies" label="hobbies" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="job" label="job" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="ocd" label="OCD" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="organization" label="organization" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="pleasantness" label="pleasantness" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="relaxation" label="relaxation" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="routine" label="routine" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="shoes" label="shoes" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="work" label="work" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
One of my great fixations lately is in developing and maintaining a new daily routine. I have a natural tendency to seek optimization in everything I do: make everything faster, more efficient, more cost-effective, or just plain lovelier. While I can't pretend I've solved all my problems or found some ideal way to live, I am really quite happy most of the time and basically enjoy my entire day, every day. The past 30 years (and especially the past month) have helped me identify 50 things you can have or do that make every day more pleasant. Some of them are admittedly quite lady-specific, but that is the only perspective I have. 
</p>
<ol>
<b><li> A clock in the shower</b>:<br>
I am one of those people who cannot relax if I don't know how long I am relaxing. One of the worst feelings for me is rushing, but worse still is rushing and not knowing if I'm rushing enough. A shower clock addresses all these anxieties. Mine is a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Forma-Suction-Clock-Stainless-Steel/dp/B001G84S3K">brushed stainless steel suction-cup one</a> that adheres to the tile, and it is one of the most calming things I've ever bought.</li><br>
<p>
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Forma-Suction-Clock-Stainless-Steel/dp/B001G84S3K"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8165/7560007958_755203e687.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Enough time to be slightly early.</b><br>
Being early is one of the most extravagant luxuries, and it's completely free. I used to be late everywhere and frantic most of the time (ahem, I frequently still have to run for the ferry), but leaving enough time to get ready and go places without rushing is the best way to go. Bonus if you leave time for contingencies.
</li><br>
<b><li> Breakfast. Seriously.</b><br>
I used to be one of those "I don't have time for breakfast" people, and not coincidentally, I was also one of those "constantly frazzled, stressed out, and slightly dizzy" people. Also you may be surprised at how wonderful cucumbers and tomatoes are in the morning, but once you have them, you will never go back.</li><br>
<b><li> A good book on your nightstand and/or in your bag.</b><br>
Since I was a child, I've put myself to sleep by reading. Even if it's 28 words before I drop the book on my face, I try to at least signal to my brain that we're departing reality and entering another world for a spell. Carrying that world around gives great comfort, through the constant possibility of rapid escape. It also makes times when you have to wait feel like opportunities, which is probably why I carried <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Life-Pi-Yann-Martel/dp/0156027321/"><i>Life of Pi</i></a> in my purse for the first six months I lived in NYC (and never got past the first chapter).
</li><br>
<b><li> Clothing that fits.</b><br>
Nothing is less stylish than clothing that fits poorly or doesn't suit the wearer's style. People who feel uncomfortable look terrible, without exception. It's tough when you're not happy with your figure or are trying to lose weight, but for better or worse, you are the size and shape you are. Wear well-made clothing that fits whatever your body currently is. (Aside: I am currently trying to learn how to sew so that I can make alterations and tailor things as I want... and make clothes to measure, of course).
</li><br>
<b><li> An arsenal of foundation garments, including properly fitted bras.</b><br>
I may err on the side of excess here, but I truly believe in slips, camisoles, just the right type and cut of bra, and all the other little foundation pieces that make your clothes fit and look right. I have a range of undergarments for all conceivable situations, and I insist on comfortable everyday underwear (judge away). I am amazed whenever I read the statistics that more than 80% of women wear the wrong size bra. It's such a basic thing, but it makes such an enormous difference. When you are 80 and everything is still where it belongs, you will thank me.
</li><br>
<b><li> Comfortable shoes (this is relative).</b><br>
I realize I may lose all credibility RE comfortable shoes when I say I wore these to work this week:
<p>
<br><br>
<img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8431/7559270538_9c9ef750b3.jpg"><br>
</p><br>
But honestly, I believe in comfortable shoes! I have an embarrassing amount of shoes, including loads that I bought on impulse because they were cheap and shiny, and I always regret when I wear the ones that are poorly made. Because of the distance and steep hills I walk, I have a pair of Crocs Prima flats that look like Barbie shoes (my plastic hooves) that I can wear over stocking feet, slipping into dress shoes on the subway, in the manner of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_Girl">Tess McGill</a> and countless other Staten Island ladies since the beginning of time. 
<p><br><br>
<img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7267/7559300374_f56dbc2bb3.jpg"></a>
</b></p>
<p>
Being nice to one's feet is critical for staying happy, I think. 
</li><br>
<b><li> An established skin care and grooming routine with reliable products.</b><br>
Some people like experimenting with new products and playing around with their regimen. I have unpredictably sensitive skin, so I am emphatically <i>not</i> one of those people. Taking the time to research, experiment, and find exactly the products that do what you want and feel enjoyable to use pays off every day. For women, it's important to find scents you like in the products you'll use every day (I go for clean white florals, lavender, and jasmine, and I hate almost anything that smells even remotely of fruit or vanilla).</li><br>
<b><li> A cosmetics routine you can do in 5 min or less.</b><br>
It took me a while to nail the exact products, but having them in place is a real treat. I can do my makeup from everyday work up through and including edgy red lipstick or fancy wedding ready in minutes. One recommendation for all women is to buy an eyelash curler and use it religiously. Just trust me on this.
</li><br>
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7560090708/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8021/7560090708_6c7aac766a.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Go-to outfits, or a "work uniform" that guides your dressing.</b><br>
I have a <i>lot</i> of clothing, and sometimes dressing becomes a bit of a conceptual design project. When I suddenly had to dress to work in a rather conservative, upscale office, I panicked and turned to the internet, where I found excellent advice in this article on <a href="http://jezebel.com/5512638/dress-code-how-to-dress-for-work">How to Dress for Work</a>. I've found the "work uniform" of a basic structure to your wardrobe enormously helpful, and so far I've been really happy with a pencil skirt / blouse / cardigan or dress and cardigan combination. Stockings and heels every day, and because I hate pants right now, not worrying about them. Takes all the pressure off.
</li><br>
<b><li> Laying out and ironing your clothes the night before, or leaving time to do it in the morning.</b><br>
When I lived in Venice, my roommate was mystified that I would start each morning by ironing my clothes (I had brought a sort of uniform of linen and cotton skirts, dresses, and blouses). It never takes more than 10 minutes, but it's a bitch to do when you're in a rush. I also sleep better knowing I've got my clothes laid out for the next day. I might have a touch of OCD.
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/5823422244/"><img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2416/5823422244_ff5cbf0cd6.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> A manageable commute.</b><br>
I basically hit the jackpot of commutes, in that I get to ride a lovely boat through New York Harbor, then take a subway. It was even better when I walked from the ferry to school, but I realize not everyone can live and work where I do. When I compare the ease and, yes, pleasantness, of my current commute with the nightmarish commute I used to do from New Jersey to Brooklyn, I feel like that change alone might account for all my current happiness.
</li><br>
<b><li> Knowledge of the mass transit system or knowing your way around wherever you live.</b><br>
Considering how frequently I used to get lost, I would not have considered myself particularly adept at navigation. Somehow, though, I've taught myself to read maps, plan routes, take advantage of the entire mass transit system, and always know where I am in relation to other things. When I speak with people who don't know their way around the city or only know one route around where they live, I realize how much anxiety unfamiliarity with one's location causes. Thankfully, understanding public transit is a transferable skill set, and once you've learned one system, you can easily pick up on another (this is why I can still give directions on the Rome Metro and Venetian <i>vaporettos</i>).
</li><br>
<b><li> Legible handwriting.</b><br>
I have always had handwriting that borders on serial killer levels of neatness and legibility, and people frequently comment on how much they like it. I practiced penmanship kind of obsessively as a child, so this has been the case since 3rd grade. Knowing that everything I write will be a comparable pleasure for others to read in the midst of a sea of deciphering scrawls puts me at ease. It also gives me confidence that my instructions will actually get followed, my notes understood, and anything I jot to myself will make sense days or years in the future.
</li><br>
<b><li> A clean workspace.</b><br>
Recently my supervisor spent time completely cleaning and reorganizing her office, saying she was inspired by how neatly I keep my desk. I love my job anyway, but it's immensely satisfying to let my OCD tendencies run wild and really keep that place in Bristol shape. I'm not sure if my coworkers also know that I actually <i>clean</i> my keyboard, counters, and phone every few days as well (which is why my office sparkles a little bit). This idea also applies to my art studio, which looks a bit like a laboratory on good days. I thrive on knowing where everything is and being able to work efficiently and precisely.
</li><br>
<b><li> A confidante.</b><br>
A parent, a friend, a sibling, a little gray cat. People need someone with whom they can be completely open and honest, say exactly what they're thinking in an unguarded way, and get honest advice they can trust. If you are reading this and you do not have a confidante, I hereby volunteer to be yours. It turns out I am astoundingly good at keeping secrets.
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/3264138886/"><img src="http://farm1.staticflickr.com/252/3264138886_28728fcf20.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Something to nurture.</b><br>
I have always believed that pets make better people, but where pets are not an option, even a plant can suffice. Having another living thing, for which you are solely responsible, fosters a tenderness and gentle empathy in even the most troubled heart. Seeing the things you nurture grow and thrive is one of the simplest and most beautiful pleasures in life.
</li><br>
<b><li> Aerobic activity.</b><br>
The heart wants to beat, the lungs want to breathe. Doing something every day that reminds the body it's alive has far-reaching and extraordinary benefits. I walk about 4 miles every day (sometimes 8 or 10 on weekends), but that is really the bare minimum for keeping my cardiovascular system functioning. Still, that little bit helps me run for a ferry, hike up a hill, or dash up stairs without a second thought. I look forward to incorporating more intense aerobic activity in my days very soon.
</li><br>
<b><li> A fitness plan.</b><br>
Not necessarily the same thing as a weight loss plan, I think a fitness plan is essential. Even if a person is of a healthy weight, they need a plan for how to achieve or maintain fitness, with regular exercises and general diet guidelines for health. Striving for fitness feels surprisingly terrific, and knowing the framework is in place to stay that way feels even better.
</li><br>
<b><li> At least one hobby or pastime that completely challenges you.</b><br>
I used to be intensely and constantly challenged by school. Now I am finding my challenges in making art, sailing, hiking, running, and learning to play instruments better, among other things. Usually the bigger the challenge, the better it feels to succeed. I think we need to stretch sometimes.
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6272356213/"><img src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6040/6272356213_80f2ac790b.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> At least one hobby or pastime that completely relaxes you.</b>
Sometimes life is challenging enough. Finding things that will always help you unwind and feel good is a pretty important pursuit. I am a big fan of knitting and crafts like needlepoint and cross-stitch because they demand almost no brainpower, have pleasing tactile and design qualities, and are always, <i>always</i> relaxing. No matter how tired, cranky, or upset I am, I can be soothed by knitting a few rows. Bonus: you get sweaters and stitched cushions and gifts to give your friends and family!
</li><br>
<b><li> An utterly indulgent guilty pleasure that you let yourself enjoy guilt-free.</b><br>
Most television is crap, but I have a knack for finding the crappiest of all (and I don't even own a TV). Things like <i>America's Next Top Model</i> or <i>Pretty Little Liars</i> or competitive cooking shows literally just fill me with joy. That said, I can't stand reality TV in the typical pseudo-unscripted drama sense. I need a competition, or I can't watch it. Your guilty pleasures don't have to be television (or, you could consider television itself a kind of guilty pleasure). I am in the midst of a not-so-secret love affair with chillwave and other comically absurd forms of electronic music. Packed tight with a bunch of 20 year olds dancing your face off unapologetically while wearing a ridiculous sequined dress at a Neon Indian concert is a pretty awesome way to spend an evening.
<p><br><br>
<object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b4DdOXd49xw?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b4DdOXd49xw?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
</p>
<p>
(Yessssssss.)
</li><br>
<b><li> Something you are learning how to do.</b><br>
I am madly in love with acquiring new hobbies and skills, and I am constantly learning to do new things. Some of these are small and short-term, like perfecting crepe-making (Nutella helps), others are long-range and spanning years, like learning to speak French (also Italian and Arabic) or photography (will never stop learning). I'm big on reading and teaching myself, but lessons or classes are a great way to jump headfirst into something. I have a weird synesthetic thing that happens with the words "cooking class," which feel extraordinary in the mouth.
</li><br>
<b><li> Knowledge of the free things to do in your area.</b><br>
Cities are an embarrassment of riches in this department, but even the smallest little town in the middle of nowhere has free events and cultural establishments to enjoy. Or hell, places to take a nice walk. Doing the research, finding those things, subscribing to email lists or RSS feeds to stay updated, and connecting with your community at zero cost feels lovely. Currently, I'm obsessed with <a href="http://hellomsg.tumblr.com/">Social Gastronomy</a> lectures and pay-as-you-wish hours at art museums, but there are literally thousands of free things to do every week and no excuse not to find and enjoy them.
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6196593320/"><img src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6155/6196593320_0cc199aa21.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Something exciting or special planned every week.</b>
I don't like wishing time away, but I do like looking forward to fun things and reminiscing about recent awesome things. I've found my existential attention span is about a week or two, so having at least one exciting thing planned every week puts little gold stars all over my heart. This exciting thing doesn't have to be as awesome as, say, getting Shake Shack and having a picnic while seeing the New York Philharmonic play a concert followed by fireworks in Central Park, while sipping Prosecco and enjoying a beautiful summer evening (this Friday's plans), but just something special that is not part of your everyday routine. Special is relative, and I'll admit sometimes my special thing is reorganizing my closets or bleaching my bathroom. Whatever makes you happy.
</li><br>
<b><li> A sense of humor.</b><br>
Life seems, to me, fundamentally absurd, which I happen to find really damn funny. I believe that taking things lightly, finding the humor in them, and enjoying myself makes everything easier and more pleasant. Actually, a sense of humor feels more like a necessary survival skill than a perk, but if you feel something is missing from your days, try to amuse yourself more by observing everything truly hilarious about humanity and existence.
</li><br>
<b><li> A clean, well-organized home.</b><br>
I'm giving myself work-in-progress points here because I've struggled massively over the years and still would like to spend a few hours or a weekend massively cleaning and straightening my apartment up (yup, reorganizing closets), but I know from years of the exact opposite experience how important it is to have a relaxing, clean, peaceful home. My three year experiment in cohabitation was predominantly an extended fight over whose turn it was to do the dishes or an argument over why we lived like such slobs. When I moved to this apartment, I took a real serious appraisal of everything I owned, donated at least 2/3 of it, and set this space up the way I wanted to live. I genuinely love my apartment, and the experience of living here, knowing where everything is, and having it as a clean, calm, and orderly sanctuary will never cease to charm and delight me.
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7271722226/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7244/7271722226_af23f86657.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Music that you love at a soul level.</b><br>
I feel truly sad when someone says they don't have a preference for music or just listen to whatever is on the radio. So many artists are making such brilliant music in so many genres, and it is more accessible than it's ever been in the history of humanity thanks to the internet. I admit I may be over the edge on how much I care about music, but I think everyone needs to find those tunes that give them shivers and charge them up from inside.
</li><br>
<b><li> Sunglasses, all year round.</b><br>
Protect your eyes and they will reward you with a lifetime full of extraordinary beauty and luscious detail. I've gotten hooked on polarized lenses and minimal frames. Substance over style on these I guess.
</li><br>
<b><li> Manners and Patience</b><br>
My mother always says it's better to be a little too polite. Having gracious manners and courtesy for others doesn't just encourage them to treat you better (though it does) -- you also get to go through life as a considerate, thoughtful person. I've also noticed that impatient people make themselves and everyone around them deeply unhappy, for no good reason. I'm not sure if it's self-importance or some weird character flaw that makes some people chronically impatient, but it baffles me. Mellow out, accept that some things take time and there's nothing to be done about it, and put your energy into something else. Times moves too quickly anyway, even at the post office.
</li><br>
<b><li> Gratitude.</b>
You are alive and sentient and you live in an exquisitely beautiful world guided by astoundingly elegant forces. Thank God, thank the Universe, thank Math, thank Anything. When people do kind things for you, thank them sincerely. When they ask you for help, be grateful you can give it to them. Be aware of your blessings and talents and the whole spectrum of experiences you've had, then thank whatever force allowed you to have them. Because <i>wow</i>, you know?
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7271722174/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7072/7271722174_4071a10e60.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Adequate fruits and vegetables in your diet.</b><br>
Everyone knows they're supposed to eat their vegetables, and few people actually do. Changing your diet to include loads of vegetables (the rawer the better) and fruits instead of processed sweets will make you feel and look extraordinary. Plants make some of the most powerful antioxidants and antiteratogens ever seen, and we don't even know a fraction of their benefits yet. I will have loads more to say about nutrition and plants and farming stuff soon.
</li><br>
<b><li> Vitamin C (among other multivitamins).</b>
Since I've started taking vitamin C every morning, I haven't been sick. If I've gotten the beginning of a cold or other illness, it's lasted about a day or two, and I can knock almost anything out of my system by upping my C and fluids. Linus Pauling advocated <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthomolecular_medicine">orthomolecular medicine</a>, arguing that megadoses of vitamin C could actually treat tumors and beat cancer (it seems he was partially correct). Giving the body a surge of vitamins helps promote its healing responses, and supposedly a boost of B12 (like with a handful of cashews) is as powerful an antidepressant as Prozac. Obviously use caution and common sense in any vitamin or medicine you take.
</li><br>
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/3904687322/"><img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2562/3904687322_ca3f3043ba.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Connections with nature.</b><br>
It is important to remember that we are animals and that nature and wildness continue on all around us. Even in the heart of a city, there are birds, squirrels - hell, subway rats - scurrying around and doing all the things that nature has urged them to do. Taking even a few minutes here and there to look up at the sky, observe the patterns the shadows of trees make, watch the movements of water, smell grass, and connect, gives such a powerful feeling of vitality and well-being that I can't imagine why people don't do it as much as they can. I imagine it goes without saying that you should regularly schedule trips and outings where you can indulge in massively abundant nature (hiking, kayaking, fishing, skiing, etc.).
</li><br>
<b><li> A budget.</b>
I used to be terrified of budgeting, but every time I spent money it was with the anxiety that at any time I would run out, bills wouldn't get paid, and I'd find myself bereft and penniless. The extent to which you track your budget is up to you, but at least rough out some guidelines for how much you can spend, versus how much you need for recurring expenses. Start to implement a plan for retirement savings, more aggressively paying down debt, and whatever other responsible things you know you're supposed to do. Just putting it on the spreadsheet and knowing it's accounted for makes every day vastly less precarious, financially anyway.
</li><br>
<b><li> A balanced ledger.</b>
I've had several jobs that deal with finances and accounting, and it's amazing how many mistakes people make with other people's money. Worse, unless you actually keep track of your bills and expenses and carefully check transactions against your bank account, you will probably never know. My mother records all her spending in her checkbook ledger, down to the penny. I am a little lazier, so I clump all my receipts in my wallet and every few days (at least once a week) enter them all in a spreadsheet, compare with my bank account, and call it a day. I keep a vague idea of funds in and out in my head (like I said, I work with finances), so I know about how much money I have available at any time, working in conjunction with my budget. I never have to worry about bouncing checks, overdrawing my account, or any of the other things that used to stress me regularly.
</li><br>
<b><li> A carefully maintained calendar.</b><br>
It used to be a challenge, when I used paper calendars or day planners, to keep track of all my appointments, plans, deadlines for projects, etc. Syncing my Google Calendar with my iPhone means I have everything at my fingertips at any time. I no longer have to check back on my email or a little slip of paper what time I made an appointment or whether I am free - it's all there, in real time, and now I even have my work calendar combined so I can tell what kind of day I'll have. In addition to my calendar, I really use Reminders to make sure I do things in a certain time frame. It's so lovely I think I must have blocked out how I used to manage my time before, and honestly, I can't imagine why anyone who can wouldn't take advantage of the ease and simplicity smart phones provide.
</li><br>
<p>
<br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/3837723825/"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3487/3837723825_99eed25635.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Confidence that is based in accepting who you are and enjoying it.</b>
It may be tempting to believe that I've veered into Stuart Smalley territory here, but here's the thing: people basically are who they are, from the time they are kids until they die, and they almost never change. I think an enormous amount of insecurity and unhappiness comes from denial or confusion about who we are, and people do incredibly hurtful things when they are pushing against themselves. If you look deep in your heart, you know who you are, and you're probably a really good person with some great things about you. Maybe lots of great things (let me know if you'd like help discovering these things - years as a raving idealist have made me preternaturally talented at finding the best in other people). Accept, love, and embrace who you are, and enjoy it. Your only other option is to be unhappy, right?
</li><br>
<b><li> Something that cheers you up almost instantly in any time or place.</b><br>
Diet Coke. Literally, any time, anywhere, a nice big glug of cold bubbly Diet Coke makes me immediately, dramatically happier. Also Kermit the Frog, which is why he is on my phone, buddy icons, perched on my bookshelf, and in many other conspicuous places. Lastly, pictures of my sweet, goofy cat. What Smokey can't cure, there is no cure for.
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/3448969897/"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3600/3448969897_99dc69061a.jpg"></a><br></p>
</li><br>
<b><li> A practical, versatile handbag that you love.</b>
I used to buy cheap, poorly-made handbags every season, then watch them fall apart. A little while ago, my mother saw the sad state of my bag and asked if she could buy me a "real bag." Okay, Mom, twist my freaking arm. 
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7279727418/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7237/7279727418_4957f3b59c.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
This bag has been utterly perfect and continues to delight me every day. I can keep all my OCD crap organized and still have room for my sketchbook and/or a novel. And hi, it's bright pink leather. It's like it was made for me.
</li><br>
<b><li> Long-range goals and aspirations.</b><br>
I believe the Rolling Stones said it best, "Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind." (That verse of "Ruby Tuesday" was my high school yearbook quote.) Goals and dreams don't need to be huge. I mean, sure, who wouldn't love a few Nobel Prizes and a Whitney retrospective, right? But for me, the biggest dream right now is having a family (that was the case even while I was pursuing dreams in art and chemistry). I'm putting my energy in that direction and imagining in the long term what my life might be like. I love having that dream, and I'm pretty sure it's the thing that gets me out of bed every morning and pushes me forward in life.
</li><br>
<b><li> Conviction in your politics and beliefs, and tolerance for those of others.</b><br>
I am fascinated by belief, morality, ethics, the nature of truth and reason, and how people come to the opinions they have. I love discussing ideas and debating policy with people who have really thought through all sides of an issue and worked their way toward an idea they have fully explored. I can't stand talking with people who take sides and dramatically recite a party line, be it a fundamentalist religious zealot or an ultra-liberal atheist. Every belief system has an underlying logic and system of assumptions, and any of these can be challenged, questioned, or made to appear absurd. It's taken me a while, but I can now honestly express my opinions and beliefs from careful consideration, while remaining open to letting them evolve. I know where I stand, and I don't have qualms about it.
</li><br>
<b><li> At least one liter of water kept cold in your fridge at all times.</b><br>
I have struggled my whole life to drink the prescribed amount of water you're *supposed* to drink in a day. I watched a documentary on raw foods and vitamins (I think), where one guy suggested drinking a liter of water as soon as you wake up in the morning, to get your metabolism going. If the water is sufficiently cold, it's delightful to gulp down quickly, and at the conclusion, I do indeed feel refreshed and awake. Later in the day, you can either pour glasses from the cold bottle or drink a liter straight again. It's not overwhelming, and it's a hell of a lot easier than counting glasses. And now I'm drinking enough water.
</li><br>
<b><li> A repertoire of meals you can cook in 30 minutes or less.</b><br>
I'm trying really hard to eat healthy, with more vegetables and minimally processed foods. That means the days of popping a slice of pizza in the microwave are over, so I'm working at finding quick and easy, yet delicious and interesting meals that I can cook in a short amount of time. My mother has always been the master of this, as she used to cook dinner and get it on the table in the 30 minutes after <i>Jeopardy!</i> each night. Summer salads are my best friends right now, but I'll admit that too frequently I revert to a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some fruit if I'm tired. Nevertheless, if I want to, I do have a stock of recipes that are healthy, fairly quick and easy to cook, and (if I'm being utterly immodest) delicious. I want to work on this.
</li><br>
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6932230272/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7052/6932230272_5d79ca9090.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Dishes, silverware, glasses, and barware you really, really like.</b>
When I moved into my first apartment 9 years ago, I had plastic dishes from college, mismatched forks and knives, and some random pint glasses and plastic tumblers. I picked out simple dishes I loved (Fiestaware in Seafoam green), a set of Jadeite bakeware, a brushed nickel flatware pattern, and glasses, and I put them all on a wish list. My lovely family indulged me for the next few birthdays and Christmases with beautiful gifts for my kitchen and apartment (they even went overboard with gorgeous champagne flutes, etched martini glasses, and serving platters and utensils). Every time I cook or eat a meal, I admire that stuff and enjoy using it. My cupboards look like an installation, and when I have people over for dinner, I feel downright civilized. Considering you use your dishes every day, you might as well like them. Ditto for my embroidered shower curtain, which was at the time prohibitively expensive (but I still love it - and how many shower curtains do you buy?) and the bathroom accessories that fancy it up in there.
</li><br>
<b><li> The ability to answer questions by Googling (preferably wherever you are).</b><br>
I have, at all times, a list of things I want to look up or research further. It's become something of a joke with one of my friends, who introduces topics with, "Well I'm sure you'll find the article I read when you're Googling this later." One of my master's degrees is basically a testament to my enthusiasm for research and answering questions, so it's an extra treat to have the entire internet accessible through my phone. It kind of blows my mind daily, still.
</li><br>
<b><li> Tissues, lip balm, and hand sanitizer in your bag.</b><br>
If you spend any amount of time in public, you will encounter situations where one or all three of these items saves you from a potentially disgusting or disastrous situation. Having a kit to tackle minor grossy emergencies puts me at ease. If you want to go one better, buy a small pill case (mine was $5 in CVS and has pretty flowers on it), in which you keep a few Advil, caffeine pills, and the Pepto Bismol capsules you can swallow. Scout Motto and all that.
</li><br>
<p><br><br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/5039889481/"><img src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4104/5039889481_735e6d587b.jpg"></a>
<br></p>
<b><li> Giving yourself permission to relax when you need to.</b>
I know a lot of people who beat themselves up if they don't get errands or chores done in the evenings, or who can't relax if they know there is something they "ought to be" doing. I wouldn't advocate blowing off responsibilities entirely and I <i>really</i> wouldn't recommend procrastination, but when your body or your mind tells you you need a break and you can afford it, give it to yourself. What's the sense in suffering through life, especially if it makes you less productive and efficient anyway? And by relax, I don't mean rest. I mean actually unwind and enjoy doing something else, or nothing, until you feel calm and ready to face challenges again. It seems so easy, and yet so few people seem to give themselves permission to actually do it.
</li><br>
<b><li> A really comfortable, supportive mattress and a bedroom sanctuary.</b>
I can speak from both sides of the mattress experience, and investing in a quality, comfortable mattress is really a game changer. At the time when I moved here, I had been sleeping on a worn-out, terribly uncomfortable mattress ill fitted to an antique bed, and I slept horribly. My neck always hurt, I never woke up refreshed, and I dreaded going to sleep at night because I knew I'd wake up feeling lousy. Moving here, I bought the best mattress and box spring I could afford, at less than half price (seasonal sale plus negotiation), and my oh my, it is heavenly. Crazy supportive, pillow top with breathable fabric, the works. My brother gave me 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets for my birthday, and I had a nice comforter, sham, and throw pillow set, now augmented with a hand-me-down down comforter too (heavenly). More than the stuff, I took great pains to make my bedroom an utterly peaceful sanctuary. I arranged the furniture for ideal Feng Shui (and light through the windows in the mornings and a gentle sea-scented breeze at night), I kept all the surfaces as clear or as meticulously organized as possible, and I made the rule that that room is only for sleeping, relaxing, "recreation," and getting dressed. I try to keep it as calm and clean as possible (though of course, I've broken my own rules and let things fall apart under duress), and my sleep has been better than I ever thought possible in this life. If I start stressing out or sleeping poorly, all I have to do is clean my bedroom, and I feel worlds better.
</li><br>
<b><li> The ability to breathe deeply and quiet your mind.</b><br>
One of the hardest things to learn as a baby is how to calm oneself. As humans, we are inherently needy and become inconsolable without help. I have spent years with racing thoughts and anxieties, and I've often let them overtake all peace and happiness in my life. I am a long way away from the calm and harmony I'm seeking, but it makes an incredible difference to take a few deep breaths and push my mind to a quieter place. I used to think there was some trick to it, but it seems it really is as easy as breathing and deciding to be calm.
</li><br>
</ol>
<p>
<br>
So... I didn't realize I had so much to say, but in doing so, I think I've also outlined some of the ways my life is deeply, elaborately pleasant lately. Whenever I write things on this site, I get all self-conscious that I'm going to sound like a know-it-all or like some sort of would-be self-help guru, and I'm really not. I tend to phrase things as "you should," when I probably mean something closer to "this is what I did and it worked." But if you find this list helpful or in some way inspiring, then by all means <i>you should</i> implement some of these things in your life too!]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Sea Change</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/06/sea-change.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.657</id>

    <published>2012-06-28T02:34:49Z</published>
    <updated>2012-06-28T03:59:15Z</updated>

    <summary> It took me a while to understand what a sea change actually was. Somewhere before reading The Tempest but after hearing it dozens of times, I started to suspect I didn&apos;t really have my head wrapped around it, and...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="commuting" label="commuting" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="employment" label="employment" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="faith" label="faith" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="family" label="family" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="theuniverse" label="the Universe" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="work" label="work" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[ <p>
It took me a while to understand what a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_change_(transformation)">sea change</a> actually was. Somewhere before reading <i>The Tempest</i> but after hearing it dozens of times, I started to suspect I didn't really have my head wrapped around it, and at that time Wikipedia didn't exist yet (seriously think back on your pre-Wikipedia life and tell me you remember how you learned any trivial facts).
</p>
<p>
So I got it, I thought, and I can recite Ariel's song and explain it at length, but I'm not sure until recently that I truly <i>got it</i>, in the sense of everything about my whole life changing, all at once.
</p>
<p>
At the end of the spring semester, I was optimistic about moving forward with my Chemistry degree and confident that I actually had the skills and fortitude to do so. I was planning to spend this summer taking intensive Physics classes, then I had about a year left to finish. I was stoked, and I couldn't wait to find a job as a chemist.
<br><br></p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7458609046/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8145/7458609046_0a541a69fc.jpg"></a>
<br><br></p>
<p>
In late May, I learned that the problem with my financial aid was actually an insurmountable obstacle (to do with aggregate student loan limits and honestly, it's not very interesting unless you want me to unleash a tirade against lenders and banking bail-outs). So with a new pile of debt amassed from the two years I was a full-time student, but no shiny new money-making degree to show for it and no hope that I could ever afford to finish it at this school, I had to withdraw from Pace. I was flatly devastated and heartbroken, but I didn't have time to linger because I desperately needed to find a job like, immediately.
</p>
<p>
I chose to interpret it as the Universe telling me I'm not meant to be a chemist and rather heavy-handedly pushing me back into the arts and a different path. It may sound silly to think that challenging circumstances are the Universe's hand at work, but one of my most fundamental beliefs is that we live in an inherently benevolent and beautiful Universe... if for no other reason than because I wouldn't want to live in any other type.
<br><br></p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7458613330/"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8145/7458613330_b0f178f399.jpg"></a>
<br><br></p>
<p>
After a series of correspondence and interviews, I ended up taking a job at the first company that responded to my résumé, and the job sounded like it was written just for my experiences, interests, and qualifications. I mean, it's literally <i>perfect</i> in the way it integrates art and science, logistics and creativity, spontaneity and OCD tendencies. It is with a wonderful company on Fifth Ave, with fantastic people, and it's a position that I can see myself growing into and continuing to enjoy for years to come. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would find a job right when I was looking and that it would be one that I love so much.
</p>
<p>
My new job, and the way I'm already set up for an enjoyable commute and life in NYC, is an example of the Universe pushing me on a good path and rewarding me with happiness and days I truly enjoy now. That's not always the case.
</p>
<p>
This spring I learned that my Aunt Elise had multiple myeloma. This news was accompanied with some shady family drama that made it additionally upsetting and confusing, but it seemed like she was fighting valiantly and could beat it. On a Sunday morning, she spoke to our cousin and said she was full of hope and optimistic about the future. The next morning, she had an intracranial hemorrhage and was unconscious. While hooked up to a ventilator, the neurosurgeon determined her health was too badly deteriorated from the cancer and felt certain she couldn't survive surgery or treatment. Then we got the call that her brain activity had ceased and it was a matter of time before her body gave out.
<br><br></p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/186413260/"><img src="http://farm1.staticflickr.com/68/186413260_b078d2d5d1.jpg"></a>
<br><br></p>
<p>
Last week we lost her, and I can't even kind of process how shocking and upsetting it is. It feels like a complete surreality, and if I thought that having to withdraw from school was the worst thing that would happen this summer, good God was I mistaken. I am still trying to process things, while making myself accept that only God knew if Elise was going to survive the cancer, and if she definitely wasn't, this was about the most peaceful and graceful way she could have gone.
</p>
<p>
I got to have a nice visit with Elise in October, right after she took a trip to India. I was helping her burn her photos to a CD to get them printed, and she told me all about her trip. Going back through those photos last week to share with my extended family on Facebook, I noticed again just how many images she had taken of little carved and painted flower and plant details that reminded her of my art history thesis. She had pointed them out to me and told me how delighted she was to see them all over the place, but it struck the same chord in me as the last card she sent, on my birthday, saying that every time an orange hibiscus bloomed in her yard it made her think of me.<br><br></p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/3903902371/"><img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2643/3903902371_0c62e64918.jpg"></a>
<br><br></p>
<p>
As my family shared memories and experiences, I saw how deeply and truly she cared for us all. She had made a lot of sacrifices in life, living with and acting as caretaker to my grandparents, and I really understand that family mattered more to her than anything else. I don't think any of us could ever doubt how much she loved us, and I hope that she understood how dearly we always held her in our hearts and will continue to cherish her memory.</p>
<p>
In the midst of grieving my aunt, I did a lot of soul-searching, and I started to see that my relationship with Mustafa was not making me happy anymore. Earlier this week, after spending the weekend in New Jersey, I decided to break it off with him. I have been feeling incredibly guilty, but I do believe it's for the best, and I think he understands and accepts it too.
</p>
<p>
So I think about what's happened in the last month, when I had to change from a full-time student to a full-time employee, I went from praying daily for my aunt's recovery to praying for her peace, and I went from feeling cheerfully in love to breaking up... and it's been challenging. I mean, I also completely changed the way I eat (minimally processed, loads of vegetables) and started drinking more water than Diet Coke and waking up at 5:30 in the morning too - everything's topsy turvy!
</p>
<p>
My life now is in many ways unrecognizable to the life I had six weeks ago. I could not have imagined it would be this way, so soon even, but there are some constants, for which I am eternally grateful. My family is still incredible, and I've been spending more time with them now that I am not so overwhelmed with stress and demands from school. Smokey is responding well to medication for hyperthyroidism and continues to be a tremendously soft, gentle comfort every day. I love my apartment and my neighborhood and riding the ferry every day. I actually enjoy having a routine and coming home exhausted, and I am optimistic that however hard changes may be, I can get through them.
<br><br></p>
<p>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7458609094/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7114/7458609094_e63ff1c3a8.jpg"></a>
<br><br></p>
<p>
More than anything, I still believe the Universe is inherently benevolent and good, and I am enthralled by its beauty every day. As long as I hold tightly to that, I think everything really will be okay.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Meet Mustafa</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/04/meet-mustafa.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.654</id>

    <published>2012-04-28T22:15:19Z</published>
    <updated>2012-04-28T22:49:37Z</updated>

    <summary> Below is the text of a paper I wrote for a class called the History and Geography of New York. The assignment was to interview someone who had immigrated to New York as an adult and to present their...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="history" label="history" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="immigration" label="immigration" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="love" label="love" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nyc" label="NYC" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
<i>Below is the text of a paper I wrote for a class called the History and Geography of New York. The assignment was to interview someone who had immigrated to New York as an adult and to present their oral history in the context of the history of immigration. Conveniently, I happen to be dating a lovely man who immigrated from Jordan to NYC in 1999. He was thrilled to share his story, and when I read it to him before I handed it in, he got all teary and emotional (as did I). Since then, he's been singing a take on an old reggae song, "This is my stoooory, I love my stoooory..."</i>
</p>
<p>
<i>I figure maybe you'll enjoy a story about immigration and pursuing one's dreams in New York City. Or at least, you can see some of why I love and admire Mustafa as much as I do.</i></p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7078309607/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7107/7078309607_e30ff29a7e.jpg"></a><br><br>
</p>
<p>
	When Mustafa Ikhmaies imagined New York City, it seemed like a dream from the movies. His mind swirling with visions of celebrities, glamour, excitement, and fun, he pictured himself walking down the streets of Manhattan as an American, with limitless possibilities. Looking out the window as his plane arrived in JFK, his heart raced with excitement and breathless anticipation, but as he rode in a car through Queens to his first home in Brooklyn, Mustafa realized his experience in America would be a much starker and more difficult reality. Through many hardships and challenges in his thirteen years living in New York, Mustafa has maintained a rare optimism, integrity, and perseverance that characterize the spirit of immigration in pursuit of the American dream.
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Born May 24, 1981 in the capital city of Amman, Jordan, Muzafar Faroq Hafez Ikhmaies is the eldest son from his father's first marriage with one sister and seven half-siblings. Muzafar uses the name "Mustafa" with Americans, saying they find that name somehow easier to pronounce, if only because it is a more common Arabic name. 
<br><br></p>
<p>
"I love my real name," he says, explaining that Muzafar means "victor in war" or "triumphant one" and Ikhmaies means "lion's den." "Together, it is the one who faces the lion's den and comes out the winner," he laughs. This courage and fortitude in the face of danger and uncertainty has been an accurate prediction of Mustafa's unshakable character.
<br><br></p>
<p>
	As descendants of Palestinian refugees in the Jabal Anzha neighborhood of Amman, the Ikhmaies family had a pleasant life, although it was tempered with a sense of displacement. Mustafa's father had gone to college for surveying, but worked mainly in importing and exporting in Asian countries. When Mustafa was eleven months old, his father took a second wife, which the family found distasteful even though it is considered an acceptable practice in Jordan and under Muslim law. His marriage with Mustafa's mother soured, and by the time Mustafa was eight years old in 1989, his father had divorced her and left to seek a new life in New York City. His mother taught knitting and piecing sweaters so her children could continue to have spending money and luxuries while living in her father's house. Mustafa remembers these years fondly, spending most of his time with his large family and friends, playing soccer in large teams of 20 on 20 or 40 on 40, "because we only had one football among all of us, you see." 
<br><br></p>
<p>
Most of his childhood was spent playing in nature, inventing games outdoors. "No one had video games or computers like American kids," he said, "we used our minds to make fun." This love of nature and connection to the natural world became central to Mustafa's values and would later inspire one of his greatest dreams.
<br><br></p>
<p>
	In 1993, Mustafa's father returned to Jordan from the United States, briefly reconciling with Mustafa's mother before the relationship became violent and abusive. The disgust Mustafa felt watching his father mistreat his mother caused him to question much of the accepted Muslim treatment of women, and he vowed to do right by his mother and sister. By the time Mustafa was seventeen years old, his father had returned to New York and married an American woman. Mustafa's new stepmother sponsored the older children who had finished secondary school for their green cards, and on July 16, 1999, Mustafa arrived in New York with two half-brothers and one half-sister. The decision to come to New York and live with his father was difficult given their tempestuous past, but Mustafa's mother urged him to pursue his dreams and seek a better life. 
<br><br></p>
<p>
	"When I was coming here, I thought I would complete my education, that I would go to college and be a boxer, that maybe I would study and become an airplane pilot," he mused, "but nobody would help." It quickly became evident that Mustafa's father intended for him to begin working immediately to help support his half-siblings and the father's second wife in Jordan. 
<br><br></p>
<p>
"He told me I was the eldest son, I had to help them, and for my family, I would give anything - I would die. But I felt like these people weren't my family. They were just my father's other kids and he was giving nothing to my mother or my sister." 
<br><br></p>
<p>
Heartbroken and crushed, Mustafa quarreled with his father and struggled to find work. "I didn't speak any English, not a word," he said, "and honestly, I was still a kid. I didn't have any work I knew how to do." 
He began working for an Arab plumbing company, for $20 and eventually $40 a day. "I worked like a slave," he sighed. His work closely resembled the 18th and 19th century Irish and German immigrants' experience, taking on unskilled labor at low wages in unsafe conditions and slowly learning a trade. Mustafa's unflappable charm and congeniality helped him make friends and gain opportunities, but he continued to struggle.
<br><br></p>
<p>
	After nine difficult months, Mustafa and his father had a great falling-out and in March 2000, he left his father's home. After several nights sleeping in the park and rinsing out his one change of clothes at work, Mustafa ran into a fellow immigrant from Jordan, who insisted he come stay at his apartment. "I am so forever grateful to him, to keep me from being homeless. I felt like I really could make it on my own."
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Over the next few years, Mustafa worked long hours in plumbing with gradually increasing pay, and he learned to speak English from his coworkers and friends. "Sometimes I think I speak English very well, like maybe I sound like I was born here," he says, "but other times, I feel like there are animals in my brain." To this day, he laments that he cannot read or write English well, having never had the opportunity to take ESL classes while working erratic hours. When the marriage between Mustafa's father and stepmother fell apart, she became angry and refused to help the children keep their green cards. Because Mustafa was already 18, Immigration Services took his temporary green card and denied his case for permanent residence. Over the nine years of legal entanglement to eventually gain a long-term green card, Mustafa continued to work and pay taxes. "Thank God, I had a social security number that said I was eligible to work, and I love this country. I was proud to pay taxes." 
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Focusing primarily in new construction plumbing, Mustafa learned the trade, taking on more and more responsibilities at the work sites. He encountered difficulties with corrupt bosses who paid him as little as $2 an hour, and he has never had health insurance. In 2002, while working on a project for the city, he was injured badly and couldn't work in plumbing for several months. "I didn't know about the laws," he says, regarding his employer's dismissal without compensation, "I wish I knew I had rights." He took a short-term job working for a kosher butcher in Brooklyn, taking advantage of skills learned at his uncle's butcher shop in Jordan as a boy, and he began to think of how to establish better job security and pay. 
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Mustafa found it was initially difficult to find work in New York in the wake of the September 11th attacks, which was a distressingly common experience for Arab men. "People wouldn't say it to me or make fights with me, but I could see it in their eyes: they didn't trust me." He saw friendships crumble, previously cordial work relationships dissipate, and long-time customers saying they'd feel more comfortable with an American doing their plumbing. Mustafa was hurt and stunned. "When I was first working in the city, I would look at the towers in Manhattan and think they were so, so beautiful. They were everything, they were the city." His voice breaks as he continues, "When I looked and they weren't there and so many terrible things happened to people, I felt my heart breaking right open, like these guys took everything from us." Twenty years old and already fully devoted to his home city, Mustafa was taken aback that his fellow New Yorkers should lash out at him with anti-Muslim and anti-Arab sentiments while he was grieving beside them. "I remember one guy on the subway, he glared at me and just said 'F---ing terrorist,' and I felt like he spit on my mother, like he was taking away my home from me again."
<br><br></p>
<p>
	In 2006, Mustafa started his own business, Malaak Plumbing and Heating. He was enormously proud of the venture, named after his beloved niece, whose name means "Angel." Business was good for a time, "Thank God, I had a lot of work. I worked hard, and I made good money." Mustafa remembered the bosses he had had and made sure to treat his workers kindly and more fairly. He paid them well and went out of his way to drive them to and from job sites. At 25 years old, Mustafa felt he had succeeded, "I was so happy I made my own thing for myself," and he fondly recalls a used van he bought for $400. "It was a piece of junk, but I felt like that thing was a Mercedes - it was the first car I bought from my own pocket." Mustafa was able to bring his mother from Jordan to live with him in Brooklyn, and he was thrilled to eventually give her the home and support he felt she deserved in Staten Island. When asked about the experience of living with his mother, he is quick to clarify proudly, "No, this is a very important difference. My mother lives <i>with me</i>." 
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Unfortunately, Mustafa's business would not last. He began losing money from customers defaulting on payments or cheating him entirely. He made liens but nothing happened and when pushed, people threatened to call Immigration Services. As the economy faltered, collecting bills became even more difficult, and many customers revealed surprisingly cruel anti-Arab sentiments toward him that either betrayed their true prejudices or were put on as a guise to rationalize dishonest dealings with him. 
<br><br></p>
<p>
In 2010, frustrated and disheartened, he was forced to give up his business and begin working for another company, struggling with long hours on a relentless 7-day-a-week schedule with no health insurance or benefits, unreliable pay, and uncomfortably frequent mistreatment. "I'm so tired of construction," he says with a heavy sigh, "People treat you terribly. They expect you to do the work for free and you give all your time and your whole body for nothing."
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Now nearly 31 years old, Mustafa feels he has not come anywhere close to achieving his goals. He wants to become proficient in English and finish his education. He badly wants to become an American citizen, saying that after thirteen years and his entire adult life, "This country is my home. I love it so much, the fairness, the way people are so open and accepting of each other." Because he came when he was young, he says, "In my heart, I feel I am already an American because I am a New Yorker." Like many New Yorkers, he feels disconnected with the rest of the country on national politics, "I hate what the government or these people try to make it." 
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Mustafa's experience is very different from the Syrian and Turkish merchants and peddlers that typify Arab-American immigration at the turn of the century but parallels the post-1960s wave of approximately 200,000 Muslim Arab immigrants currently in New York City. As the son of a displaced Palestinian family, Mustafa's immigration wave joins with the tide of Palestinian immigration to the United States. Though he grew up in Jordan and loved it dearly, he never felt it was his true home, and he is happy to have settled in New York. Like his deceased grandfather who wished that one day his bones would be returned to Palestine, Mustafa dreams of visiting his ancestral home and seeing where his people are from, but he knows that until the Middle East is stabilized, he cannot live there. He has strong feelings on international politics and deep concerns about Western manipulation of Middle Eastern lands for corrupt motives. Like many New Yorkers, he has found a sanctuary in a city that is so tolerant of the many cultures and beliefs that comingle, mostly harmoniously.
<br><br></p>
<p>
	Mustafa exemplifies the values upon which New York was initially founded. He demonstrates an enterprising spirit, while maintaining community-minded, open and accepting relationships with others. "I try very hard to be friends with everybody," he says, "I like people and I want them to like me. I don't know any other way." Building himself up from a penniless teenager sleeping in a park, he learned a trade, founded his own business, and even experienced the crushing defeats of the American economy before he was 30 years old. He believes in hard work and fairness, and he shows that with sufficient willpower and optimism, a man can make his own fortune in New York.
<br><br></p>
<p>
	When asked what he most wants to do now, Mustafa shared a dream of an organic, all-natural, free-range farm for lamb, chickens, cows, and goats, with fruit orchards and fields of crops. "I know I live in the city but in my heart I am a farmer," he explains, "and I want to help people, to make the life better for them, not only for me." He passionately describes the benefits of organic foods, more natural sustenance, and an alternative to factory farming and pesticides. "I believe you can make the life better, with the food, and make the animals' lives better too," he says, painting a bucolic picture of sheep grazing in the fields of upstate New York and organic meats and produce imported to trendy restaurants in Brooklyn. As he describes the steps he is taking to team up with his brother-in-law, a former farmer from Israel, Mustafa's infectious enthusiasm spreads and his vision becomes palpable. Meeting with New York-based organizations for organic farming and city organizations that assist small business owners with financing, Mustafa is encouraged once again. 
<br><br></p>
<p>
	"The beautiful thing about New York," he says with shining eyes, "is that anything you can imagine, you can do it here. In New York, people help each other with their dreams."
<br><br><br><br></p>
<p>
 
<b>BIBLIOGRAPHY</b>
<br><br></p>
<p>
Arab American Association of New York. Web. 2001-2012. Accessed March 2012. [http://www.arabamericanny.org/].
</p>
<p>
Benson, Kathleen, ed. Community of Many Worlds: Arab Americans in New York City. Museum 	of the City of New York. New York: Syracuse University Press, 2002. Print.
</p>
<p>
DiNapoli, Thomas P. and Bleiwas, Kenneth B. The Role of Immigrants in the New York City Economy. New York State Comptroller. Report 17-2010, January 2010. Web. Accessed March 2012. [http://www.osc.state.ny.us/osdc/rpt17-2010.pdf].
</p>
<p>
Elaasar, Aladdin. Silent Victims: The Plight of Arab & Muslim Americans in Post 9/11 America. 	Chicago, IL/Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse, 2004. Print.
</p>
<p>
Encyclopedia of Immigration. "Arab immigrants." Web. June 6, 2011. Accessed March 2012. [http://immigration-online.org/351-arab-immigrants.html].
</p>
<p>
Ikhmaies, Muzafar Faroq Hafez. Face-to-face interview. 23 and 25 March, 2012.
</p>
<p>
Immigration Direct. US Immigration Online. Web. 2007-2012. Accessed March 2012 [http://www.immigrationdirect.com/].
</p>
<p>
Jackson, Kenneth T., ed. "Immigration." The Encyclopedia of New York City. New Haven: Yale 	University Press and New York: New York Historical Society, 1995. Print.
</p>
<p>
Klein, Milton M. The Empire State: A History of New York. Cornell UP, 2005.
</p>
<p>
Millard, Rachel. "Arabic Immigration to the U.S." Voices that Must Be Heard, Edtion 338: 11 	September, 2008. New York Community Media Alliance. Web. Accessed March 2012. 	[http://www.indypressny.org/nycma/voices/338/briefs/briefs_1/].
</p>
<p>
Naff, Alixa. Becoming American: The Early Arab Immigrant Experience. Carbondale, IL: 	Southern Illinois University Press, 1985/1993. Print.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>I&apos;m not running off to the farm... yet.</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/04/im-not-running-off-to-the-farm-yet.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.653</id>

    <published>2012-04-09T09:03:00Z</published>
    <updated>2012-04-09T08:05:15Z</updated>

    <summary> I have always loved a good refrain. My family and I have our favorite expressions that we repeat regularly, and my dad and I especially return to apt metaphors again and again. For me, it is sailing, choosing and...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="chemistry" label="chemistry" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="farming" label="farming" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="love" label="love" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="personal" label="personal" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
I have always loved a good refrain. My family and I have our favorite expressions that we repeat regularly, and my dad and I especially return to apt metaphors again and again. For me, it is sailing, choosing and adjusting a course, and for my dad, it is a boxing match.<br><br></p>
<p>
One of my father's refrains used to be, "Everything worth doing costs a fortune and tends to be a giant pain in the ass." The trick, of course, was deciding if it was ultimately worth it. One of my dad's remarkable talents is setting his sights on a goal and doing absolutely everything in his capacity and then some to achieve it. When he switched gears from a career as a mason to studying physical therapy, he decided that if it was remotely possible for a human being with a brain to succeed in these classes, he was going to do it. And if he could succeed, then damn it, he was going to excel. (My mom was the same way, and when she went back to school, she had a staggering GPA while working full-time, graduating <i>summa cum laude</i> etc.)<br><br></p>
<p>
The advice my dad has been giving me, for decades now, is that a student cannot let down her guard until the fight is over. Education is a boxing match, he says, and you have to take the hits, roll with the punches, jump at opportunities, and above everything else, stay in the ring fighting until you've delivered the TKO. Both of my parents and my brother did that, and while I've finished three degrees, it feels more like I've done them by accident or default than through any sort of perseverance or integrity on my part.<br><br></p>
<p>
Every spring, and probably every fall, I get into a whiny self-pity party like the one I just posted. I question what I'm doing, I loll about in existential crises, I rationalize becoming a terrible human being because I get overwhelmed with cynicism, self-doubt, and the exhausting fear that I've made too many mistakes and can't possibly turn my life into what I intend. I overuse sailing and hiking metaphors, I glorify days gone by (and wasted) that seem easier through the filtered lens of memory, and I yearn for simpler, gentler paths. I'm sorry that it probably makes for awfully dull blog-reading, and I know it's old hat, but it always feels genuine and urgent when I'm going through it.<br><br></p>
<p>
Thankfully, I also know that I will finish whatever apparently insurmountable task was wearing me down, I will get through exams or projects or what have you (or I fall on my face and realize the sun will still come up the next day anyway), and I move forward. Round won or loss, I stay in the ring.<br><br></p>
<p>
So I know that I've made decisions about what I want to do with my education and my career. I have a plan, and it's a solid, feasible, good plan. When I get derisive and want to berate myself, I tear it all down and call it a farcical pipe dream, but honestly, it's fine. I remind myself of the lyrics from the Ani DiFranco song "Pixie" (embedded below):<br><br>
<i>Maybe you don't like your job,<br>
Maybe you didn't get enough sleep.<br>
Well, nobody likes their job,<br>
Nobody got enough sleep.
</i><br>
<br><br></p>
<p>
<object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FDPDdsC5vFA?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FDPDdsC5vFA?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
<br>(<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDPDdsC5vFA">direct link</a>)<br></p>
<p>
So basically, all this silly self-doubt and anxiety and what all is nonsense of my own making. I do it to myself in all cases, whether I'm studying painting or chemistry, and no matter how much I convince myself that I'm talentless, stupid, and incapable of learning, I get through classes, I learn, I grow, and one day, I'll develop some sense of confidence in what the hell I'm doing. (Knowing me, I'll get downright arrogant about it, provided I don't have to do too much math.)<br><br></p>
<p>
The goal here is to get a job I <i>do</i> like, to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. I want to be happy <i>because</i> of how I spend my day, not in spite of it. I really have to believe it's possible, and I gotta get my head back in the game.
<br><br></p>
<p>
Meanwhile, my boyfriend has gotten inspired by my dad's transition from masonry to physical therapy to pursue his own dream of starting an organic, all natural, free-range idyllic little farm. He's obsessed with it, and I have to admit, it is mighty tempting some days to accept his proposal to run off, get married, and live a simpler life surrounded by grazing lambs and fruit trees.
<br><br></p>
<p>
But I've got these dreams of my own I have to get in place first. I'm not giving up the boxing match I've got going with chemistry until I have at least a BS and a job. As much as I am able, I'm going to try to stop stripping all the joy and pleasure out of the experience. I mean, I might not always <i>like</i> it, but I don't have to be constantly down at the mouth and miserable about it either.</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>How to Know What&apos;s Right</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2012/03/how-to-know-whats-right.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2012://2.652</id>

    <published>2012-03-25T20:59:33Z</published>
    <updated>2012-03-25T20:12:41Z</updated>

    <summary> I&apos;ve been thinking a lot lately about how we decide what&apos;s right. I don&apos;t necessarily mean right in the sense of truthful, factual, or accurate (although that is a truly fascinating area of philosophy that boggles my mind in...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="art" label="art" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="arthistory" label="art history" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="beliefs" label="beliefs" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="chemistry" label="chemistry" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="history" label="history" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="love" label="love" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="personal" label="personal" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="politics" label="politics" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="science" label="science" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="studying" label="studying" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thinky" label="thinky" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
I've been thinking a lot lately about how we decide what's right. I don't necessarily mean right in the sense of truthful, factual, or accurate (although that is a truly fascinating area of philosophy that boggles my mind in the most delightful ways) -- I mean more... how do we know that what we do or believe is the right thing? What is the most sensible or wisest course of action? What are the kindest, fairest, or most egalitarian policies? I guess I'm talking about those sticky areas of faith and morality, but more directly, visceral instincts that guide life decisions and beliefs.
</p>
<p>
(The photos, by the way, have basically nothing to do with this post, but I think best when surrounded by magnolias.)
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6868892230/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7073/6868892230_8c85d59fc8.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
In part, these questions stem from the agonizing national over-analysis of social policy brought on by what I consider fairly ridiculous Republican primary debates and alarmist responses to measures in government. I used to try not to talk about politics because I realized it would alienate people who held different beliefs - and that's the thing. No matter how strongly I feel a sense of "this is right" and "those guys are crazy and wrong," (most notably lately when we start talking about health care, contraception, etc.) I am trying my hardest to respect that at the end of the day we are still talking about systems of belief. I would not presume to say that one person's religious beliefs are more valid than another's, so why am I so comfortable blasting their political ideology? Just because I think I'm right?
</p>
<p>
With politics, I have strong beliefs about why government exists and what it should do for the people. I am deeply skeptical of underlying motivations and special interests being represented, and I can acknowledge that even when something seems clear cut and straightforward in the best interests of the common good, there is probably some aspect of it that makes other people recoil or wonder why I am so deluded. That's okay. We can all believe different things, if our goals at least approximate one another. I'm going to resist opening this particular can of worms any further (when I do so, I'd like to do it specifically and intentionally), but I guess the gist is that I think some people can have beliefs that I find reprehensible, disgusting, and truly wrong, but they're not necessarily bad people. Most aren't, anyway.
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6868889294/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7248/6868889294_e20e30383f.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
So let's move to a more personal level, since it's all about me all the time anyway (isn't it? don't tell me if it's not). How do we know that the day-to-day decisions we're making are the right ones?
</p>
<p>
I'll start with love because I am terrible at it. I have always believed that the way to find true love is to open your heart and your life up, to make a space where you are comfortable and sure of who you are, and see what the universe throws at you. I've seen that when I try to force love into the wrong space or time, it has disastrous, heart-breaking results. Similarly, when it's with the wrong person, however much I'd <i>like</i> it to be the right person, I can't change who I am to make them fit.</p>
<p>
Almost everyone I know seems to meet their significant other online now. I went to a wedding last fall where literally every couple at my table had met online and they had even met the bride and groom online. I think that's terrific, and I'm thrilled when it works, but something about the idea has always rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it feels like shopping, or it seems to elicit in men my age a sense of entitlement and ego-mania. More likely, it's because it doesn't happen naturally, organically in the course of one's everyday life (I feel compelled to add a disclaimer that I am only talking about my own experience and realize it can happen naturally for other people who aren't so neurotic and obsessed with literal signs from nature and the universe). The few lackluster attempts I made at online dating were at a time when my life was in such disarray and chaos that I didn't have time to go out and meet people. Essentially, there was so little time or space for love in my life that I was trying to force it and squeeze it into weird places on my Google Calendar. Not surprisingly, that makes for disastrous results. Who wants to wait a month between dates, or deal with someone who can't commit emotionally because her entire heart is wrapped up in a toxic job?
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6979541263/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7058/6979541263_36b9e48130.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
When I met my boyfriend, it was an unseasonably warm sunny day. I decided to sit outside, I was relaxed and even dressed nicely (I was on my way to the ballet), so when a handsome and charming guy came over and said he'd never forgive himself if he didn't say hello and tell me how beautiful he thought I was, everything felt natural and right. Guys hit on women on the ferry all the time, and usually it's a somewhat awkward clenched-smile 20-minute conversation, with uncomfortable goodbyes and the realization that it's not meant to be by Manhattan. I was surprised to find this guy so different, such a refreshingly open and warm person that I actually wanted to talk to him. He has a fascinating background (I'll talk about him more another time) and he is literally like no one else I've ever known. So I mean... that feels right. It feels like there was room in my life and in my heart, and the universe pushed him into it.
</p>
<p>
When I first chose to do this degree in chemistry, it seemed like I was getting similar signs that it was the right thing to do. I stumbled into chemistry through studying art history, and I started to really fall in love with materials science and the technical analysis of art that gave insight into how artists thought and worked. I worked at my dream job at graduate assistant pay, and I slowly came to the realization that if I wanted to keep doing it, I would need to get the education and credentials of my colleagues. Unfortunately, I was working with a team full of people with PhDs in Chemistry and Physics, and when we presented our research at conferences or got it accepted for publication, I was the only author without a PhD or even a BS in a hard science. 
</p>
<p>
I wasn't sure exactly what I expected, and I've already exhaustively documented my floundering, flustered responses to studying chemistry here. When I feel like disparaging the experience, I say it takes beautiful and amazing, wondrous things, then ruins them by saying, "Let's do math about it!" I promised myself this semester that I would get over my math-aversion and stop letting the nausea that sets in when I see equations ruin a good plan. I have not succeeded so far, and when I withdrew from my Calc II class, I was so full of joy I felt inclined to run down Broadway singing and twirling.
</p>
<p>
<p>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7015001407/"><img src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6105/7015001407_4cb9fd5312.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I know that there was a time when art and history seemed unfathomably hard and over-complicated to me. I can literally remember days in seventh grade when I was furious that I had to memorize so many stupid dates and names and Acts that didn't add up to a big picture yet. Many years later, as I filled in gaps in political history with paintings, I was happy that I built that foundation and forced myself to stick with it. The politics and social history drilled in by AP Modern European History proved invaluable in understanding the mindset and machinations of European painting. Tying the dates of art projects with what was happening, knowing what skirmishes and territorial disputes were setting people on edge, gave a full, fleshed-out context from which I could really get at the art. Over all that time and to the present, I've been learning to draw and paint. The only reason I feel even remotely comfortable expressing myself in art is because I've been doing it for what feels like my entire life. I drew in the sand before I could talk or had any grasp of language or writing. I obsessively find patterns and see so much it overwhelms me, so art feels like it comes from within. 
</p>
<p>
Perhaps there is such a thing as innate talents or proclivities. Perhaps in my soul, I am meant to be an artist and any attempt at other pursuits is just deluding myself. I don't really believe that's why I paint. I think more likely, I stuck with art because I enjoy it and consider it worthwhile. I've spent close to 30 years practicing and struggling with it. I've had whole days and weeks where I work on learning how to shade or mix colors. At this point, art is the thing I know best in the whole world, so of course it feels right.
</p>
<p>
Science - and more specifically math - has never felt completely natural to me. Actually, that's not true. I believe every child is a scientist, exploring, gathering observations, testing ideas, and fleshing out a sense of wonder about the world. I cling to that version of science in the most sacred depths of my heart because it is the basis for much of my world view, sense of spirituality, and faith in the universe. Science in the big picture is astoundingly beautiful and exciting, and it still strikes me as some kind of wizardry.
</p>
Science in the step-by-step, tiny <i>mathy</i> details, confounds me. I don't understand the terror I feel about math, and all through grade school and high school, I even did really well in it. Something happened in AP Calculus where I just stopped enjoying it and saw it as a huge chore. I didn't use this expression back then, but my brain flashed a big "F THIS NOISE!" and checked out. I withdrew from the class and switched into the morning section of Statistics that my boyfriend was taking (and I got a 115 average, thanks to generous extra credit), realizing it was the only non-honors/AP class that I took in high school. Even though I was still planning to major in Neuroscience in college, some part of my brain was boxing out math, rapidly.
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6868892940/"><img src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6040/6868892940_2acc8e991b.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
What I desperately want to believe is that the level of this chemistry degree is the walk-before-you-run phase of what could still be a fascinating pursuit. I never liked Chemistry in high school or any of the false starts I made the first few times. I found the big picture ideas amazing, but the method frustrated me because it just seemed so full of equations and drudgery. I hate stoichiometry with the type of passion I usually reserve for genocide, but then again, I was never wild about learning perspective in drawing class either. It was a chore to learn to measure human proportions in life drawing (I'm still crap at it), and it was a pain in the neck to learn by abysmal failure how <i>not</i> to mix paints. I've done tireless studies and sketches and projects over the years that I considered annoying and a waste of my time, but they added up to the ability to walk into my studio and test out whatever idea I'd like, discover things about being human and the universe in the process, and maybe make some beautiful stuff too.
</p>
<p>
What I want to feel is that chemistry - however tedious this phase - is still <i>right</i>. That I'm meant to do this, that these struggles are only temporary, and that I'm not totally stupid, or some aptitude will eventually kick in. That feeling seems miles away from my daily experience, and whenever I step back from the mountains of textbooks and frantic work, I ask myself, "What the hell am I <i>doing</i> anyway??"
</p>
<p>
Last week I went to a panel discussion by three scientists who had taken an academic/research track in their careers. They all agreed on the amazing rewards and excitement of pursuing research, as well as the common downsides (most notably grant-writing and constantly scrambling for money and opportunities). The most surprising part to me was my Advanced Biochemistry professor's revelation that he had spent a year in art school because, "I quite liked painting." His advisor had assured him he would hate it, that he should stick with his instinct to go into veterinary medicine (he eventually switched out of that to molecular biology research), and so on. "He was right," my professor said laughing, "there were maybe two days where I didn't completely hate it."
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7015000879/"><img src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6108/7015000879_8ce73ee048.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
My professor knew he was in the wrong place, and he was able to course correct and get back to where he felt he belonged. It was reassuring that he and the other two well-established researchers had all switched tacks a few times and struggled to find what they really loved, but it was also disquieting in a weird way. I was shaken by the feeling that the way my professor felt about art school is in a nutshell how I feel most days about my chemistry degree. There are glimmering moments when I am amazed and delighted, when something clicks and I get glimpses of the cleverness of the universe that things work the way they do. But most of the experience has been scrambling through lab reports with utterly loathsome dread, failing to remember equations correctly, and feeling hopelessly stupid and ill-prepared on a daily basis. When I leave campus in the afternoons, my first few breaths are accompanied by the feeling of a fist unclenching in my chest, as if I am escaping the tension of floundering, followed all too quickly by the fist closing back up as I know I have to face it all again as soon as I get home.
</p>
<p>
I want to believe the issue is confidence and poor study habits. Art and history - and generally anything in the humanities - comes very easily to me. As a consequence, I'm a terrible student. I skim through a history chapter once, and it all sticks, with fully fleshed-out details and nuances of analysis forming effortlessly. Science - and God, especially math - just doesn't work that way for me. I haven't figured out how to study science yet, and even when I wrack my brain and drill in everything I can imagine, I get panicky and make stupid mistakes. I forget details that I was able to make into a song the day before. When asked to do a math thing that I had literally done four hours prior, I blanked completely and didn't even know where to begin, as if I'd never seen it before.
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7015003665/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7271/7015003665_8b5458f5be.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
A very dear (and stunningly brilliant mathematician) friend said that one of the things he found so amazing about math was that the more a person did it, the markedly better that person could become at doing it in future. "It's like sports," he gushed, "you just have to show up at practice every day, and one day you're dramatically better!" He enjoys problem-solving the way I enjoy drawing, and we talked about all these parallels with testing yourself to do harder problems (swim a lap faster, set a new personal best) or do them in more creative or elegant ways (grace in dancing, effortless line drawings, purity of tone in singing). It made perfect sense, and he and I concluded that I don't have a "problem with math," so much as a lack of experience and the accompanying lack of confidence of someone who has just stepped on a track next to Usain Bolt, wondering if her shoes are even tied.
</p>
<p>
So do I drill myself in math and relearn all the areas of chemistry where I feel stupid? Do I keep doing problems and reading and trying harder, the way I had to do years ago with history or foreign languages? I know there was a day when a passage of Lorca looked so impenetrable to me I never thought I'd be able to even read it, but years later I could still recite it back, in the middle of surprisingly fluent conversation with a friend from Argentina. Somewhere between "Me llamo Vicki" and Spanish forensic competitions, I had to learn the nuts and bolts of grammar, and I want so badly to believe it is the same case with chemistry. Is it possible to put in the right amount of practice, to develop actual discipline, and get comfortable with chemistry? Even math??
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/7015003207/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7191/7015003207_1d3947f87f.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
And the bigger question, which I still haven't answered, is.... even if it is possible, is this right?
</p>
<p>
Am I banging my head against the wall trying to change my life into one that fits around math and science, when the universe knows I belong in art and history? Am I Hitler trying to make paintings, or van Gogh trying to be a preacher? (Strange and psychologically questionable parallels, sorry). Maybe I can force myself to become a chemist, to change my tendencies and inclinations... but will I enjoy it if I do? Will my whole career be one of feeling endlessly stupid and out of my depth? Will it ever feel natural, or will it always be a struggle because at heart, it isn't right?
</p>
<p>
I know that only time will tell, but I also know that I have a history of staying in destructive situations way too long. Do I tap out, or double down? And what do I do with my life if I'm not meant to be a chemist on track toward art conservation science?
</p>
<p>
My perennial sailing metaphor relies on setting a course and sticking with it, such that every decision is made in terms of how best to sail that course. I've set my course, I've assessed the blustery areas that are throwing me off my game, but at the end, I am still left wondering if I actually want to get to the destination I chose from across the sea. As I asked in my last post, am I sacrificing the years when I could be getting married, having children, being (relatively) young and creative, to punish myself and try to do something that's just not meant to be? 
</p>
<p>How do we ever really know what's right?
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.vickilicious.com/2011/12/i-can-say-i-hope-it-will-be-worth-what-i-give-up.html" />
    <id>tag:www.vickilicious.com,2011://2.651</id>

    <published>2011-12-22T10:50:53Z</published>
    <updated>2011-12-22T10:54:22Z</updated>

    <summary> The title is from the refrain of the Santigold song &quot;L.E.S. Artistes,&quot; and it should tell you something that I&apos;ve been quoting it since she was Santogold to talk about my feelings on like, school and life and adulthood...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Vicki</name>
        <uri>http://www.vickilicious.com</uri>
    </author>
    
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="love" label="love" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="personal" label="personal" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thefuture" label="the future" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thinky" label="thinky" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.vickilicious.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>
The title is from the refrain of the Santigold song "L.E.S. Artistes," and it should tell you something that I've been quoting it since she was Sant<i>o</i>gold to talk about my feelings on like, school and life and adulthood and the following heavy stuff.
</p>
<p>
<br>
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<br><br>
</p>
<p>(Before I dive into that nonsense, I feel obliged to point out that this is still an excellent song for when you're getting dressed to go out, especially this remix. I pretty much always have it in my head, in some way, along with a cast of Muppets and an unhealthy and possibly carcinogenic amount of glitter.)
</p>
<p>
And for the record (ha, see what I did there?) I would much, <i>much</i> rather talk about music for a couple hours and pretend that none of the rest of the stuff on my mind, is. But that's kind of the problem. 
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6553388035/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7172/6553388035_7ddfd3ac16.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
The end of this semester was very similar to most others, in that I procrastinated a lot of big projects and went into finals already behind, was in no way prepared for the extra curve balls my professors threw ("Oh hey guys, sorry, I accidentally gave you the wrong final, for a much harder graduate class, and I realize it was twice as long and you were totally not prepared, but it seems like you worked it out alright?"), and predictably, I really, <i>really</i> couldn't deal with the life and family events that were going on in the background.</p>
<p>
So I say background, but really I mean the forefront of my mind. From the school's point of view, nothing is more important than a lab practical or some asinine paper because that's all they've got to do with you. Obviously professors have their own lives and mortality to address, so it's really nothing personal, but it feels that way when you are eighteen and interpret everything as all about you (oh really, Vicki? Just when you're 18 huh?). For the first couple years of higher education, I was scared enough to believe that school was the most important thing too. I literally cannot count the amount of times I've said to myself that I'll just put my head down, get all this stuff done, and then deal with whatever thing I can't handle.
</p>
<p>
But I'm thirty years old. I can't get behind that ostrich mentality anymore because I've spent the last decade or more of my life ignoring or second-besting my family, friends, and health... and like, for what?</p>
<p>
So now I go to funerals and deal with grief when I don't want to. I have protracted and incredibly upsetting conversations about family members' health and friends' mortality. I pray for peaceful deaths or short-term suffering, I make bargains with God that if I can just get through this month without anything else tragic happening, I will become a better person, for real. I've stopped what for years was my instinct to say "no" to everything and then making exceptions if I could.
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6551361253/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7165/6551361253_0be9514300.jpg"></a>
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</p>
<p>
Going into my Biochemistry final, which was the last of this semester, I was half-listening to a classmate expressing his frustration at the way the grading system would work out for him. I should mention that this professor is incredibly generous because he drops the lowest of your four exam grades, so only the three highest go into the average. With the exams as 60% of your grade and the lab as 40% it's possible to calculate really precisely what your grade will be, and as intensely nerdy chemistry students, every single one of us knew the cut-off points for various final grades. My poor classmate was so exasperated because, as he put it, "If I get a zero on this exam, I will get a B- in the class. If I get a hundred on the exam, I will get a B. I have studied for the last three days straight, to try to go from the minus to the flat B... what is wrong with me?!"
</p>
<p>
A week earlier, I had hit my absolute breaking point (and I'm sorry I can't really get into details about the instigating incident right now, both because it's private and because I will start crying again and never finish writing this). It was in one of those sleep-deprived crazy states where I was stretched too far in every direction and couldn't make my brain operate anymore, when I heard this soft, barely perceptible little "click" somewhere near the base of my skull. The frantic voice that had been working out schedules and panicking about things I didn't understand shut up completely and was replaced with a firm, even-tempered utterance, "None of this matters."
</p>
<p>
I felt like my heart had turned to liquid and seeped into my chest cavity, as it was getting both harder to breathe and strangely effortless. I literally became incapable of caring anymore, and I went sort of numb all over. "I'll do what I can," I told myself, "but I'm not stressing out about school anymore, ever again."
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6551358493/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7019/6551358493_1899ffea21.jpg"></a>
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</p>
<p>
These past few days my mindset has felt so foreign and abstractly calm that I wonder if I've actually overcorrected and become some emotionless automaton only resembling my former self. Is serial killing next? I mean surely this is what sociopaths feel like, right?
</p>
<p>
I have invested all of my emotional energy in school since I can remember. It's an ironic form of displacement because I don't even particularly <i>like</i> school - I just keep doing it wrong and feeling like maybe <i>this time</i> I can get it right.
</p>
<p>
I started this degree with enormously lofty intentions. I would immediately go through to the PhD in Chemistry in polymer science and materials chemistry. I would integrate my background in painting and art history and go straight into art conservation science. Somehow I would gain access to multimillion dollar spectroscopy equipment and government-funded projects in Italy, without having to put in the decades of work as a chemist that everyone for whom I've worked as an assistant needed to do. I honestly think that I told myself if I just put my head down and concentrated on it, the logistics and opportunities would sort themselves out because, well, they always have.
</p>
<p>
I don't want my whole life to be a trajectory toward my career goals. (Especially when I keep changing them and they are all over the place to begin with.) I don't want to give up getting married or having kids or seeing friends for like, all of my thirties, just to try for a more interesting job.
</p>
<p>
It doesn't feel like a sacrifice if you don't really want to marry the person you're dating, or if you keep going back and forth on having kids because, again, the person you're dating would make a terrible parent (no offense intended to my exes because I'm sure the version of me you dated would have been a dreadful mother too). Several times in the past few years, I've had to recognize which people in my life were toxic and distance myself from damaging situations. So it's reasonable that weddings and home ownership and children were way out in another galaxy from my day-to-day thinking.
</p>
<p>
But the problem with pulling yourself out of one area of life is that you also pull yourself away from the opportunities for a different life. I work in hyperbole and overcorrect constantly, so when I get my heart broken, I swear off romance forever. (I mean, until someone with lovely eyes and a gentle smile kisses me and my heart gets all fluttery again, I'll change my mind, but I carry a big cynicism albatross and sabotage everything, and I must stop doing that.) I have had a number of crap jobs that don't pay well and treat me poorly, but that doesn't mean that <i>all jobs</i> guarantee misery and soul-sucking demoralization (If I am wrong about this, please do not correct me).
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6553385841/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7018/6553385841_c1b3a6baa5.jpg"></a>
<br><br>
</p>
<p>
I think at this point in my life, the smartest move is to finish this degree and get a real job that pays all my bills. A large part of why I am getting the bachelor's in chemistry is because it's one of the few remaining undergraduate degrees for which job options (however limited) still exist. I don't really need to make a ton of money right away (I mean, I feel like I do because I owe hundreds of thousands in student loans, but that's not actually the case). I need to just find something I can do for 40 or 50 hours a week that doesn't suck my soul out with boredom or the feeling that I am wasting what few talents I may have.
</p>
<p>
I need a substantial amount of time where I can live my life without it pointing toward something. I want to paint without worrying about working my way into a career in art. I want to go to work and come home and not think about work all the time while I'm at home. I want to allow myself to care about boyfriends and dating and get emotionally invested in things that I currently dismiss as frivolous wastes of time.
</p>
<p>
For better or worse, I think my brain has already gotten started on divorcing my emotions and priorities from schoolwork. It's ludicrous to care as much as I do for little points on a transcript that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. If I get an A- or an A, or a B or whatever, it's kind of all the same after a point, and I've spent too many years of my life sweating for As and still feeling empty afterwards. I just can't and won't do it anymore, but that's not to say I'm not going to work hard. I just need to stop viewing the entirety of my self-worth by academics and start focusing on what's actually important.
</p>
<p>
<br>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/beholdthev/6551373111/"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7168/6551373111_73a761bc6e.jpg"></a>
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</p>
<p>
I've also done this burn-out thing so many times already that I know the frustration and crushed feelings I experience have nothing to do with school, beyond the surface preoccupation. I'm not upset because chemistry is hard and requires a lot of work (I mean, duh). It's that I am capable of doing this whole shebang smarter while preserving (or creating?) some semblance of an adult life.
</p>
<p>
So in what I know has been a repetitive, rambling, poorly thought-out diatribe (see? Chemistry is making my writing go to crap too), I hope I've communicated the tiniest fraction of what turmoil lurks in my stupid, insipid little heart. A year from now, I hope to be a dramatically different person in a totally different place in my life.
</p>
<p>
I think it starts with breathing, picking my head up, and opening back up to everything in life, good and bad. Paying attention to beauty, following joy, and caring for people, because that's really all that matters.
</p>
<p>
2012 is going to be the year of saying yes to everything. I intend to be a markedly happier, healthier, more open and <i>living</i> version of myself, and I look forward to sharing it with you.
</p>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

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