Brain tricks

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Let's start by saying I'm sometimes really dumb.

I had worried over the weekend, when no amount of sleep was enough, that perhaps I was coming down with mono again. My main evidence for this fear was swollen glands by my throat and pervasive exhaustion. I suspect, though, that both are more likely caused by me being an idiot than any real pathogen.

I had a short little homework assignment to do last night that I put off until 4 this morning. Once finished, I reflected on how it only took a half hour or so and that it was foolish to have procrastinated for four hours beforehand. Thereafter, I began worrying about moving my car, and I haven't been able to decide if I should move it now or later and if I do it in the morning, when I should plan to shower and get ready for class (it's in an 8-8:30 spot and I have class at 9, so it's a sticky little dance). I have been incapable of getting past this for the last hour and a half. Sigh.

Also, I need a new notebook before class tomorrow, and this is literally keeping me up. I don't know if I should just use unlined printer paper or plan to go to the school store at 8:30 (and how does that fit into my car-moving plan?)

I don't exaggerate when I say that my brain has infinite ways to deprive itself of sleep with irrational, ridiculous and constant worries.

Then again, it's not like I'm missing out on much by sleeping, because my dreams are all Muppets all the time. Even my nightmares are positively steeped in absurdity. Example:

I dreamt I was in my aunt's living room, during a birthday party for one of my cousins. They were all dressed alike in some variety of leprechaun or Oompa-Loompah costumes and though I thought they were wearing fake beards, I later learned they were real: prosthetic grafts of skin and beard onto their faces. This scared me so much I could hardly breathe.

Eric and I got plates of food and moved into my aunt's kitchen, where picnic tables were set up inside. (Here is where I admit I have a vague and mostly unfounded fear of picnic tables).

Richard Simmons started running the animal show. At first it was fun - he unleashed five or six cats, who ran all around the house. Then a bunch of bunnies, and while I don't have the best of luck with bunnies, none of these tried to hump me.

Then he let out an iguana.

Oh good Lord I hate iguanas.

I edged myself against the wall, trying to stay calm and avoid attracting the iguana's attention, but somehow I only enticed it more. It scurried over quicker than any iguana I've ever seen, and after an hilarious chase scene around the kitchen, it ended up digging its claws into my leg and biting my knee. It would not let go, and I screamed so loud that the whole party came in to see.

Richard Simmons thankfully took the iguana off, only to warn me to be sure to keep my mouth shut for the next animal... a tarantula.

Of course he didn't tell me that the tarantula was already on the picnic table I was sitting at, right in front of me, and it climbed onto the bottom edge of my sweatshirt, and naturally, hovered precariously close to the interior, a perimeter which, if breached, would mean absolute and certain death by terror for me.

I did my loudest and most severe clenched-mouth scream, and in my head contemplated screaming "Mom! Tarantula!" (because surely she would understand that she had to save me, like, immediately), but remembering the iguana's crazy speed, I thought it was totally possible that the tarantula could also defy physics and species logic and propel itself into my mouth.

After all, Richard Simmons warned me.

At that point, I was so traumatized by my dream that I woke up screaming. Eric asked what was wrong, and I was panting, and I was near tears as I described the scene. All he had to say was, "And what? No clowns?"

Stupid brain.

I'm not the only weird one though. Just now Eric awoke from seven solid hours of sleep, came into the room I'm in and announced, "Next Halloween I'm gonna go as the guy from Doom."

Good to know we're both so on top of things.

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This page contains a single entry by Vicki published on November 14, 2006 8:19 AM.

Learning from myself was the previous entry in this blog.

Seeing ourselves is the next entry in this blog.

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