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Escaping and returning

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This weekend I learned to love Boston, and I now formally rescind all previous (and voluminous) Boston bashing I have perpetrated.

I walked all around the city (and of course took all of three photos), spending most of Saturday and a nice amount of Sunday outside or on the trains. I enjoyed truly lovely company and met many wonderful people. It was the perfect escape.

For better or worse, such a nice break underscored that which is currently lacking from my life (and has been for quite some time), which I find distressing and problematic in ways with which I am not yet adequately prepared to deal.

I thought a lot about my long- and short-range plans, and I am honestly not sure I can accept what further sacrifices I would have to make, for uncertain and barely tenable goals (whose accomplishment could... maybe be fulfilling?). As I scramble around trying to catch up with work (which became a bit of a land-mine while I was away) and my thesis (which, ugh. Where to even start?), I keep thinking about the next few years and what I'm trying to do. And then I think about what I'd rather do, and it makes my heart break a little. Or a lot, depending on how honest I'm being.

I know this is all vagary and evasive language, for which I half-heartedly apologize. While confronting reality, I am simultaneously running from it as fast as I can.

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This page contains a single entry by Vicki published on February 16, 2009 11:20 PM.

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