Relocating my center

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I wrote a while back about the sensation of dislocation and how paradoxically freeing it can be, to have a sense of not-belonging somewhere. Increasingly, though, in the past few months my life was becoming a series of not-belongings, everywhere I went, and it was getting more than a little overwhelming. I took some time this summer to re-center myself and to become reacquainted with who I am and what I care about.

My trip to Iceland affected me profoundly, and I rediscovered the incredible importance of nature and freedom in my life. I thought about how many hours of how many days I'd been spending in the car or on public transit between New Jersey and Brooklyn, and how most days I felt like I was being held hostage or punished. I thought about how many nights I collapsed into bed feeling abused by the world and unhappily exhausted, and I knew I needed to make a lot of changes.

I spent as much time as possible on the water or at the beach this summer. I sought quiet and calm. I watched birds, for hours, and I took an inordinate amount of photos of water and plants and trees. I went sailing and crabbing and kayaking, and I took my sweet time staring at the water when I wanted to. I drew, I painted, I read, I wrote. I paid attention to sensory input and I savored it all. I thought and thought and thought about everything in my life, and I made a whole bunch of decisions. I also came to peace with a lot of things, and I think it's not premature to say, I've relocated my center.

It's going to take me a while to relay all that I've changed, especially since a lot of the adjustments were to my own attitude or heart. But I can start small and work up to that.

I can take my time.

(More photos in my Jersey Summer album.)

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This page contains a single entry by Vicki published on September 30, 2010 9:28 PM.

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